Also: this week my mom actually asked if I was losing weight because she thought my face looked more slender.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Not the case. And not really a worry. I am gaining weight more slowly than my first two pregnancies, and as long as I get my fella here safely, I don't give a whit about my weight. I gained 70 with Connor, 55 (I think) with Bellamy, and I think it'll be lower once again, so balls to stressing about it for the next 4 months.
A week or two before I found out I was pregnant I had just hit the 60 pound weight loss mark, that I'd been working on for two years. SIXTY POUNDS. I am not gonna lie, it stings a little to be gaining it back, but this is my last gestational go round, and after losing so much before at a slow and healthy rate, I know I can do it again. I've proven to myself I can do it.
After having Connor, it was always one of my bigger pet peeves to listen to women who gave birth to perfectly healthy babies bitch about their weight gain/post baby bodies. I know it's a natural vanity thing, but FRICK. BIGGER PICTURE. Fairly sure having your baby in your arms is worth a few extra pounds, whether you lose the weight or not.
With school starting, and really hitting the planning stage of pregnancy, I have so many other things that could stress me out I don't want to let something like this add to it. Trying to quell my neuroses and focus on the important stuff. Like my sanity. Like my relationship with Richie and Bellamy. Like getting Harrison here safe and sound.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Pregnancy Post 34 (did I pick the right number??)
it's a boy! the little nub is officially Harrison Grey Fougner.
The reveal shindig was a blast (I cried of course, out of happiness and trepidation) but so far I've been ok. Not quite filled with scary clown terror like I was expecting, though I am more anxious. The dr wants us to come back for a 2nd ultrasound in 2 more weeks. She said she couldn't see all that she wanted, and I hope that's the case. A serious concern at this point (this week is officially HALFWAY) might just do me in altogether. He was very active when we were there, so maybe she didn't really see all that she needed to.
The reality of hitting the halfway point has urged me to start looking for all the baby things we need that we don't have anymore. Trolling babiesrus and craigslist has given me a thrill. Also found a way to secure a tidy little nest egg for when I am off on leave, and it was startlingly easy. Money worries shouldn't be much of an issue while I am off work and that is WHACKING HUGE RELIEF.
Of course not everything could go smoothly in all aspect of my life, and I realized that I forgot to submit my FAFSA this year....when I got the email that I had been kicked out of class for non payment. I immediately signed back up for it, and my gracious sister loaned me the money out of her massive loans until I get my own financial aid. (Which I submitted this week. It got accepted. Then I had to be re-evaluated to see if I am meeting the acadmeic progress standard - which was the first appeal I did last year - and got the highest marks. Then I got a notice that I needed to submit an independant student verification worksheet along with my tax return, which I did today.) All in all, I feel back on track. My sis laughed when I told her I was stressing over my one class, and told me that her two graduate classes at UNR total almost 10 times that. BANANAS. Education is so GD expensive.
But, tally ho....progress! My first class is on Tuesday and I am ready to roll. I was trying to figure out how much work I'll miss on weeks where I have both class and dr's appts. If I fall consistently below 40 hours a week I'll be considered a part time employee, and will have to pay alot more to keep benefits for me and Punky B. Which I don't want to happen, because my bosses gave me the lowdown, and it would increase to almost half my checks to keep us insured. So basically my schedule will be this:
M: 7:30 to 5 (usually I'd be off at 4, but I can make up an hour)
T: 7:30 to 3:00 (class from 3:30 to 4:45)
W: 7:30 to 5 (make up another hour i'll be missing for class)
TH: 7:30 to 3:00 for school again
F: 7:30 to 4:00 (or five to make up third hour of time if I have appts that week.)
if my drs appts take up more time than that, hopefully I'll have sick or vacation time to cover. so I think it might work out really, because the extra hour on M/W will make up for being short an hour on T/Th. At this point I am more worried about forgetting to show up for something or do something important before it's due. This morning I asked our HR guru about my FMLA paperwork, and she laughed when I told her I wasn't due until January. I said, ummm, yeah, but if I don't ask now, I might forget altogether, like my blasted FAFSA.
(which i swear I did right after our taxes. even thought I went online and did all my acceptance clicks and shit. apparently not. I almost called TMCC raging out when I first got the email, until I went to my student center and there was not a trace of financial aid awards or anything for the 2011-2012 year.)
In Punky B news, she's going through an extended amount of naked time, and I like it. It started last weekend after we took the girls to the gay pride event at the river. She got home, stripped down totally nude, ate a quesadilla and passed out, still naked. That's been the routine almost every night since. She'll get home for the day, and after a spell just take it off. Which makes me soooooo happy. Her biscuits are ridiculously cute. I want to bite them. And she doesn't ACT naked when it happens. She'll still help clean, eat dinner at the table, play around, you name it. Tonight she got in her recliner, put the footrest up, and leisurely ate some cherries while we watched Pushing Daisies. Love it.
HARRISON GREY.
I can't wait. I am 99.9% sure he will make it here safe and sound because I can't believe a Connor level tragedy would strike twice. But I feel as though the universe should be warned: if something does happen to him, I will go full force Darth Rosenberg and try to end the world. So, cosmos, treat my boy and my reproductive system with the respect and care they both deserve. Thank you.
The reveal shindig was a blast (I cried of course, out of happiness and trepidation) but so far I've been ok. Not quite filled with scary clown terror like I was expecting, though I am more anxious. The dr wants us to come back for a 2nd ultrasound in 2 more weeks. She said she couldn't see all that she wanted, and I hope that's the case. A serious concern at this point (this week is officially HALFWAY) might just do me in altogether. He was very active when we were there, so maybe she didn't really see all that she needed to.
The reality of hitting the halfway point has urged me to start looking for all the baby things we need that we don't have anymore. Trolling babiesrus and craigslist has given me a thrill. Also found a way to secure a tidy little nest egg for when I am off on leave, and it was startlingly easy. Money worries shouldn't be much of an issue while I am off work and that is WHACKING HUGE RELIEF.
Of course not everything could go smoothly in all aspect of my life, and I realized that I forgot to submit my FAFSA this year....when I got the email that I had been kicked out of class for non payment. I immediately signed back up for it, and my gracious sister loaned me the money out of her massive loans until I get my own financial aid. (Which I submitted this week. It got accepted. Then I had to be re-evaluated to see if I am meeting the acadmeic progress standard - which was the first appeal I did last year - and got the highest marks. Then I got a notice that I needed to submit an independant student verification worksheet along with my tax return, which I did today.) All in all, I feel back on track. My sis laughed when I told her I was stressing over my one class, and told me that her two graduate classes at UNR total almost 10 times that. BANANAS. Education is so GD expensive.
But, tally ho....progress! My first class is on Tuesday and I am ready to roll. I was trying to figure out how much work I'll miss on weeks where I have both class and dr's appts. If I fall consistently below 40 hours a week I'll be considered a part time employee, and will have to pay alot more to keep benefits for me and Punky B. Which I don't want to happen, because my bosses gave me the lowdown, and it would increase to almost half my checks to keep us insured. So basically my schedule will be this:
M: 7:30 to 5 (usually I'd be off at 4, but I can make up an hour)
T: 7:30 to 3:00 (class from 3:30 to 4:45)
W: 7:30 to 5 (make up another hour i'll be missing for class)
TH: 7:30 to 3:00 for school again
F: 7:30 to 4:00 (or five to make up third hour of time if I have appts that week.)
if my drs appts take up more time than that, hopefully I'll have sick or vacation time to cover. so I think it might work out really, because the extra hour on M/W will make up for being short an hour on T/Th. At this point I am more worried about forgetting to show up for something or do something important before it's due. This morning I asked our HR guru about my FMLA paperwork, and she laughed when I told her I wasn't due until January. I said, ummm, yeah, but if I don't ask now, I might forget altogether, like my blasted FAFSA.
(which i swear I did right after our taxes. even thought I went online and did all my acceptance clicks and shit. apparently not. I almost called TMCC raging out when I first got the email, until I went to my student center and there was not a trace of financial aid awards or anything for the 2011-2012 year.)
In Punky B news, she's going through an extended amount of naked time, and I like it. It started last weekend after we took the girls to the gay pride event at the river. She got home, stripped down totally nude, ate a quesadilla and passed out, still naked. That's been the routine almost every night since. She'll get home for the day, and after a spell just take it off. Which makes me soooooo happy. Her biscuits are ridiculously cute. I want to bite them. And she doesn't ACT naked when it happens. She'll still help clean, eat dinner at the table, play around, you name it. Tonight she got in her recliner, put the footrest up, and leisurely ate some cherries while we watched Pushing Daisies. Love it.
HARRISON GREY.
I can't wait. I am 99.9% sure he will make it here safe and sound because I can't believe a Connor level tragedy would strike twice. But I feel as though the universe should be warned: if something does happen to him, I will go full force Darth Rosenberg and try to end the world. So, cosmos, treat my boy and my reproductive system with the respect and care they both deserve. Thank you.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Pregnancy Post 33
I am feeling human again! Let's hope it last for more than a week this time.
This weekend has been pretty fabulous, lowkey though it may have been. Went to visit Jess on Friday Brought dessert and we watched some Mad Men. (Draper = Delicious.)
Yesterday we went to the farmer's market after a chill morning, because I had the urge for homemade tomato soup. The evening wasn't nearly as relaxing as the day...mainly due to a bunch of asshat employees at the airport. But my niece is home, and all is well.
Today was all about cleaning and cooking, which sounds hellacious, but has been terribly relaxing. I scrubbed the living room carpet by hand to erase the damage done by the last month of non stop birthdays, worked on my room, worked on belly's room, dusted, and de-cluttered large portions of the downstairs. Jamie tackled her room and the kitchen, while Juliane did her room, and Rico picked up the garage and washed cars. I love family cleaning days. Punky B as usual helped pick up stuff and deliver it where i told her to, which saves me a million trips up and down the stairs.
My soup turned out to be a tasty accompaniment to lunch time grilled cheese sammies...and then jamie and i put together a rocking healthy dinner menu. Pasta with andouille, roasted brussel sprouts and carrots. AMAZING. Then I made blondies, both for Nicole, and for Torrey.(and a few leftover for us, of course.)
Now I am sitting here, not wanting to sleep, because that means I have to go to work in the morning. I knocked out B's thank you cards while watching True Blood....and I think I am going to go snuggle upstairs and read. Tomorrow is the big ultrasound, and I can't believe I am crazy enough to try and NOT find out right then and there if the beanpod is a boy or a girl.
It seems like I made this appt so long ago...I can't believe it's finally here! BANANAS.
I am so excited!!!!
This weekend has been pretty fabulous, lowkey though it may have been. Went to visit Jess on Friday Brought dessert and we watched some Mad Men. (Draper = Delicious.)
Yesterday we went to the farmer's market after a chill morning, because I had the urge for homemade tomato soup. The evening wasn't nearly as relaxing as the day...mainly due to a bunch of asshat employees at the airport. But my niece is home, and all is well.
Today was all about cleaning and cooking, which sounds hellacious, but has been terribly relaxing. I scrubbed the living room carpet by hand to erase the damage done by the last month of non stop birthdays, worked on my room, worked on belly's room, dusted, and de-cluttered large portions of the downstairs. Jamie tackled her room and the kitchen, while Juliane did her room, and Rico picked up the garage and washed cars. I love family cleaning days. Punky B as usual helped pick up stuff and deliver it where i told her to, which saves me a million trips up and down the stairs.
My soup turned out to be a tasty accompaniment to lunch time grilled cheese sammies...and then jamie and i put together a rocking healthy dinner menu. Pasta with andouille, roasted brussel sprouts and carrots. AMAZING. Then I made blondies, both for Nicole, and for Torrey.(and a few leftover for us, of course.)
Now I am sitting here, not wanting to sleep, because that means I have to go to work in the morning. I knocked out B's thank you cards while watching True Blood....and I think I am going to go snuggle upstairs and read. Tomorrow is the big ultrasound, and I can't believe I am crazy enough to try and NOT find out right then and there if the beanpod is a boy or a girl.
It seems like I made this appt so long ago...I can't believe it's finally here! BANANAS.
I am so excited!!!!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Pregnancy Post 32
i am officially sick of being sick. blood in the urine? UTI? antibiotics? nausea inducing pain?
bush league. all of it.
bush league. all of it.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Pregnancy Post 31
Connor's fifth birthday has passed, and my fifth anniversary has arrived! And as usual, no matter how sad, angry, or confused I am, I am still here.
I almost think this year Richie had a harder time than I did. The hopes of wanting this last pregnancy to be a boy are overwhelming him at this point, and Wednesday was basically the reason why. I love him. He came to see me at work, just to give me a hug. I was barely functional from being sick, so I did ok at work. I was too tired to be emotional for those 8 hours. Of course I cried off an on when I got home, but it felt good. This is the first year I haven't written to him in the journal I started on the day of his funeral. I think I still might, even though his day has come and gone. It's always cathartic. (I did, however, listen to Grace, by Kate Havnevik...the song I played incessantly after I had him. I actually forgot the name of the person that sings it, and had to think for a minute.)
There was a moment when one person kind of waved off my sadness by pointing out that I was pregnant again and it will all be ok, and the sting of that sort of comment made me want to unleash. But I didn't. I can't tell you how many people told me not to be sad about Connor because I'd just get pregnant again and have more kids. Which I knew was true, but really, is trying to replace one kid with another a healthy attitude?
As it was 5 years ago, I wanted to say "Can you just think of the day you delivered one of your kids? When you were surrounded by family and everyone was happy? Imagine that, but picture every one crying. Picture a stone silent delivery. Giving birth, not to a squirmy newborn, but a seven pound CORPSE. Only getting to hold your baby ONCE after dreaming about it for nine months. Having to choose between burial and cremation, and decided whether or not to have an AUTOPSY. Knowing that while you are upstairs, binding your breasts to suppress the milk that's coming in, bleeding, recovering from childbirth, your baby is downstairs in a REFRIGERATOR ALL ALONE." But I didn't. I just acknowledged the joy of this new pregnancy and said even with Bellamy and the newbie, I will still always miss him.
It is sort of amazing how people short change grief. It isn't like I lock myself away every day and cry about him. I have one day where it really gets me down - his birthday - and even that is too much to some. I don't understand it.
I fell asleep that night feeling thankful, of all things. Despite thinking I STILL WANT MY SON all day...as my life changes each year, I feel so lucky. Isn't that sort of fucked up? It's true though. As time passes and things change, I learn to shut the fuck up, bitch a little less, and appreciate a little more, because I really do have a lot to be thankful for, despite the gaping hole in my heart that losing Connor left. My family is ridiculously amazing, Richie is so supportive, and Bellamy just rocks my socks off. I am kicking ass in school (which starts in a few weeks - YEAH!), and though nothing about my daily routine is easy, it's mine, and I love it.
Ask me how much I love it when I am eight months pregnant, still working full time, and taking finals and my answer might have a little more of a "WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THIS?!?" flair, but that happens every semester, knocked up or no. Plus I am really glad I am only in one class, that will require no term projects or papers, so it really won't be that bad. This'll be the first semester since I went back where that will be the case.
As for the pain in my ass illness that struck over the weekend...I am feeling back to normal, for the most part. Some lingering abdominal pain, and I think I am once again a tad dehydrated, even after two trips to the ER for fluids and drinking the nasty potassium stuff, but hey, I am better. I am mentally prepared for the discomforts of pregnancy, and when nonsense like this happens, it's just gd annoying. Pregnant women should be protecting from normal illnesses by an invisible immunity shield. Growing a person is hard enough without routine illness getting in the way.
Anyhow, I hear my girl or my Rico stirring, both of whom I need to give good morning kisses to! That's enough for now...
I almost think this year Richie had a harder time than I did. The hopes of wanting this last pregnancy to be a boy are overwhelming him at this point, and Wednesday was basically the reason why. I love him. He came to see me at work, just to give me a hug. I was barely functional from being sick, so I did ok at work. I was too tired to be emotional for those 8 hours. Of course I cried off an on when I got home, but it felt good. This is the first year I haven't written to him in the journal I started on the day of his funeral. I think I still might, even though his day has come and gone. It's always cathartic. (I did, however, listen to Grace, by Kate Havnevik...the song I played incessantly after I had him. I actually forgot the name of the person that sings it, and had to think for a minute.)
There was a moment when one person kind of waved off my sadness by pointing out that I was pregnant again and it will all be ok, and the sting of that sort of comment made me want to unleash. But I didn't. I can't tell you how many people told me not to be sad about Connor because I'd just get pregnant again and have more kids. Which I knew was true, but really, is trying to replace one kid with another a healthy attitude?
As it was 5 years ago, I wanted to say "Can you just think of the day you delivered one of your kids? When you were surrounded by family and everyone was happy? Imagine that, but picture every one crying. Picture a stone silent delivery. Giving birth, not to a squirmy newborn, but a seven pound CORPSE. Only getting to hold your baby ONCE after dreaming about it for nine months. Having to choose between burial and cremation, and decided whether or not to have an AUTOPSY. Knowing that while you are upstairs, binding your breasts to suppress the milk that's coming in, bleeding, recovering from childbirth, your baby is downstairs in a REFRIGERATOR ALL ALONE." But I didn't. I just acknowledged the joy of this new pregnancy and said even with Bellamy and the newbie, I will still always miss him.
It is sort of amazing how people short change grief. It isn't like I lock myself away every day and cry about him. I have one day where it really gets me down - his birthday - and even that is too much to some. I don't understand it.
I fell asleep that night feeling thankful, of all things. Despite thinking I STILL WANT MY SON all day...as my life changes each year, I feel so lucky. Isn't that sort of fucked up? It's true though. As time passes and things change, I learn to shut the fuck up, bitch a little less, and appreciate a little more, because I really do have a lot to be thankful for, despite the gaping hole in my heart that losing Connor left. My family is ridiculously amazing, Richie is so supportive, and Bellamy just rocks my socks off. I am kicking ass in school (which starts in a few weeks - YEAH!), and though nothing about my daily routine is easy, it's mine, and I love it.
Ask me how much I love it when I am eight months pregnant, still working full time, and taking finals and my answer might have a little more of a "WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THIS?!?" flair, but that happens every semester, knocked up or no. Plus I am really glad I am only in one class, that will require no term projects or papers, so it really won't be that bad. This'll be the first semester since I went back where that will be the case.
As for the pain in my ass illness that struck over the weekend...I am feeling back to normal, for the most part. Some lingering abdominal pain, and I think I am once again a tad dehydrated, even after two trips to the ER for fluids and drinking the nasty potassium stuff, but hey, I am better. I am mentally prepared for the discomforts of pregnancy, and when nonsense like this happens, it's just gd annoying. Pregnant women should be protecting from normal illnesses by an invisible immunity shield. Growing a person is hard enough without routine illness getting in the way.
Anyhow, I hear my girl or my Rico stirring, both of whom I need to give good morning kisses to! That's enough for now...
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I don't know what to call this post 30
it has been a long 4 days of being sick, being worried, and trying to stay calm which didn't really happen.
i am going back to work tomorrow, and i just now realized what day it is.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i am going back to work tomorrow, and i just now realized what day it is.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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