Tuesday, October 18, 2011
pregnancy post 42
just re read my last post. Made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Lies lies lies. So many lies. My world is imploding. Marriage falling apart. And the self satisfaction I see from others thinking their relationships are ao perfect compared to mine doesn't help. Everyone has secrets. Trust in that. I know alot of them. Fuck.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Pregnancy Post 41
I love my Rico. Last night I fell asleep mid post and ended up waking back up to watch Law Abiding Citizen. We went to sleep discussing if it's a good movie or not (not...it's terrible.) But I love how contrary he is. Then this morning he strolls in, grabs me, says 'Good Morning, Irish" and proceeded to smooch my cheek for about a minute. He told me he loves me, and more importantly, that he likes me. I said "Good, 'cause you're stuck with me."
It's a good way to start the weekend. I want to go to the gym, and bake something. Probably after Jamie bakes David's birthday cake. Whose party is today. I also need to go back to Babies R Us and get Whit something for her shower, which is tomorrow. I left work yesterday feeling as though I had no plans and an easy going weekend ahead of me, but that isn't entirely the case.
Bellamy is rifling through the babies r us gift bag we got for starting our registry last night, asking what it is. I told her we have to start getting baby gear again so we can take care of her brother when he gets here. She stood up, pointed dramatically at the sky, and yelled " I am going to get a pink and purple car! And put Baby Harrison Grey Fougner in it and drive him around everywhere! And you guys will be in there, too!!!" What a good big sister she already is. (Though I am wondering if she'll still want to chauffer him around when she's 16 and he's 13.....)
It's a good way to start the weekend. I want to go to the gym, and bake something. Probably after Jamie bakes David's birthday cake. Whose party is today. I also need to go back to Babies R Us and get Whit something for her shower, which is tomorrow. I left work yesterday feeling as though I had no plans and an easy going weekend ahead of me, but that isn't entirely the case.
Bellamy is rifling through the babies r us gift bag we got for starting our registry last night, asking what it is. I told her we have to start getting baby gear again so we can take care of her brother when he gets here. She stood up, pointed dramatically at the sky, and yelled " I am going to get a pink and purple car! And put Baby Harrison Grey Fougner in it and drive him around everywhere! And you guys will be in there, too!!!" What a good big sister she already is. (Though I am wondering if she'll still want to chauffer him around when she's 16 and he's 13.....)
Friday, September 23, 2011
Pregnancy Post 40
Another week has just flown by!
I missed work on Monday due to swelling/headache/nausea issues, but bounced back and am feeling ok. (It wasn't until Wednesday that my headache went away totally, and it's coming back already....but oh well.) Found out on Tuesday that my first exam was Thursday, so that had me extremely stretched out. He had originally guesstimated that our first test would be NEXT week, so i wasn't too concerned. Oops. Swiss Beats totally won that round.
Tuesday I did most of the homework that I hadn't completed yet, and Wednesday was up past midnight making the allowed cheat sheet, while working through the examples in the book he said the test questions would resemble. Turns out HE A LIAH, but I think I passed nonetheless. I studied the complicated problems, that required using all the formulas and theorems...and some of the questions were so basic and simple and didn't apply anything we've learned. I had no idea how to answer them, so I just made some shit up. I feel like I OVER studied. How is that possible? Me working harder on math than necessary? Might be the fist time it's ever happened, ever.
Last night I decided I didn't want to come home right away after work, so I picked up B, and we had a quick dinner out and then took her to buy some winter clothes. It was an impromptu little family date. On the way home she thought she had left her new princess bracelet and ring in the restaurant, so I called to look for it. When I hung up she asked if they had it, and I said no. She burst into the most hearbreaking wail I have ever heard escape from her. "Ohhhhhhhnoooo I lost the new jewelry my great grandma got me!!! What happened to it? What bad guy would take it" and she crumpled into tears. I was sort of impressed she was more sentimental about who the gift had come from than the loss of the actual jewelry. And, happily enough, it turns out she had tried on some of her new clothes and both the bracelet and the ring were wrapped up in one of the hoodies. Wheee!!
Today we had no daycare for B, because Dad and Marcie are headed to Cali to meet baby Emma...so Craig watched her for us! And they had a blast!! He came and picked her up at 7:30 this morning, and dropped her back off at 4:30, exhausted from all the Grandpa Craig excitement. I am so glad he is getting back to himself after 3-4 months of hiding out because he couldn't hear. Since B was spent, Rico and I headed out for a mini date. I wanted to take him to Slice of the Peak, but we decided to avoid the Street Vibrations nonsense. We went to Pinocchio's instead, which was delish as always. I love their chicken and spinach lasagna. Luuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrv it. Then we went to Babies R Us and did our registry! BABY STUFF. Exciting. I think the first time we did a resgistry it was a million pages long, and this time it was only a few. I know people are going to buy the Spud lots of clothes and stuff anyways, so we didn't put any of that on there. The crib and changing table we are going to buy ourselves, but we picked it out and scanned it so we won't forget which one we both like.
BABY STUFF. Giddiness. I can't wait to meet him. I am already so round that strangers are arguing with me and trying to convince me I MUST be due right away....like I'd really lie about him coming at the end of December.
I missed work on Monday due to swelling/headache/nausea issues, but bounced back and am feeling ok. (It wasn't until Wednesday that my headache went away totally, and it's coming back already....but oh well.) Found out on Tuesday that my first exam was Thursday, so that had me extremely stretched out. He had originally guesstimated that our first test would be NEXT week, so i wasn't too concerned. Oops. Swiss Beats totally won that round.
Tuesday I did most of the homework that I hadn't completed yet, and Wednesday was up past midnight making the allowed cheat sheet, while working through the examples in the book he said the test questions would resemble. Turns out HE A LIAH, but I think I passed nonetheless. I studied the complicated problems, that required using all the formulas and theorems...and some of the questions were so basic and simple and didn't apply anything we've learned. I had no idea how to answer them, so I just made some shit up. I feel like I OVER studied. How is that possible? Me working harder on math than necessary? Might be the fist time it's ever happened, ever.
Last night I decided I didn't want to come home right away after work, so I picked up B, and we had a quick dinner out and then took her to buy some winter clothes. It was an impromptu little family date. On the way home she thought she had left her new princess bracelet and ring in the restaurant, so I called to look for it. When I hung up she asked if they had it, and I said no. She burst into the most hearbreaking wail I have ever heard escape from her. "Ohhhhhhhnoooo I lost the new jewelry my great grandma got me!!! What happened to it? What bad guy would take it" and she crumpled into tears. I was sort of impressed she was more sentimental about who the gift had come from than the loss of the actual jewelry. And, happily enough, it turns out she had tried on some of her new clothes and both the bracelet and the ring were wrapped up in one of the hoodies. Wheee!!
Today we had no daycare for B, because Dad and Marcie are headed to Cali to meet baby Emma...so Craig watched her for us! And they had a blast!! He came and picked her up at 7:30 this morning, and dropped her back off at 4:30, exhausted from all the Grandpa Craig excitement. I am so glad he is getting back to himself after 3-4 months of hiding out because he couldn't hear. Since B was spent, Rico and I headed out for a mini date. I wanted to take him to Slice of the Peak, but we decided to avoid the Street Vibrations nonsense. We went to Pinocchio's instead, which was delish as always. I love their chicken and spinach lasagna. Luuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrv it. Then we went to Babies R Us and did our registry! BABY STUFF. Exciting. I think the first time we did a resgistry it was a million pages long, and this time it was only a few. I know people are going to buy the Spud lots of clothes and stuff anyways, so we didn't put any of that on there. The crib and changing table we are going to buy ourselves, but we picked it out and scanned it so we won't forget which one we both like.
BABY STUFF. Giddiness. I can't wait to meet him. I am already so round that strangers are arguing with me and trying to convince me I MUST be due right away....like I'd really lie about him coming at the end of December.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Pregnancy Post 39
So baby boy has been to his first concert! lol. Maroon 5 last night was really fun. The kick ass part is that after Nicole told me she wanted to take me, I won two tickets and a meet and greet, so Rico and Jamie got to go see the show too!! I was SO excited when I got the call, because Richie loves Maroon 5 more than I do, and I wanted him to go soooooo badly. It was sort of magical that it all just came together.
Rico and I met the band, and Nicole got lucky and got an extra armband, so she did, too. Due to the evil record company chick who shall henceforth be referred to as Fatty Fatty Front Butt, Jamie was the only one who didn't get to meet them. FFFB was a bitch from the get go. While I tried to find the guy the station told me to meet, we got sent her way. When I was asking how many people got to go back, she interrupted me by saying "JUST STOP TALKING. JUST STOP." ( I was originally going to let Nicole and Rich meet them, since Nicole gave me her extra floor seat ticket...but FFFB said it had to be me and a guest, and there was no negotiating with her.)
Nicole was upset and I think maybe crying a little because she was running late and couldn't print her tix, and one of the other dudes told her he'd get her an extra armband. We were all ushered in and lined up to go, and we told her and Jamie good luck getting in. Apparently when dude told FFFB to give Nic a band, they asked for Jamie, too, and FFFB TOTALLY LIED and said she didn't have any extras even though she had two or three GD extras and just walked away. Then she made Nicole go to the back of the line since she wasn't with a radio station per se, and we ended up standing with a bunch of other DJs. I asked Connie from 96.5 if she happened to have a spare armband, and she said no. She was also not pleased with FFFB and her nazi ways....
Anyhow, Rico and I got to go in together, and basically we shook the bands hands one at at time, got to pose for a picture with them, and then as we were shown out we each got a signed picture. It all lasted about two minutes, but it was pretty sweet. I was honestly impressed by how cute Adam Levine is in real life. I thought he would be SUPER heroin looking skinny since he looks so slender in pictures and videos, but he wasn't. He was taller than I expected, and slender, but not crack skinny. I also looked him right in the eyes, and they are a very bright hazel-green. Nice. The other dudes were more smiley...the super cute drummer was the first in line and he looked at my belly and gave me a huge grin when we shook hands. The long haired guitarist was also super smiley.
I could feel all the vibrations in my belly, and between that and dancing, I think Harrison slept the whole time. At the very end he thumped a few times...it was a nice long nap for him. This morning he is moving and shaking all over the place.
Dad and Marcie kept the girls overnight last night so we could go...and they still aren't home yet!! It was so weird to wake up normally (slept in until 7:45...YEAH!) I miss my girl. Usually she pops up with her spectacular morning hair, and barges into our room with Lambie and Lambie's blanket, saying "Mommy! Daddy! It's wake up time. It's wake up time, Mommy" over and over. I just called to make sure Dad survived, and Marcia told me he has the girls at IHOP right now eating breakfast and then he'll bring them home. Where's my kid?? I want her back.
Rico and I met the band, and Nicole got lucky and got an extra armband, so she did, too. Due to the evil record company chick who shall henceforth be referred to as Fatty Fatty Front Butt, Jamie was the only one who didn't get to meet them. FFFB was a bitch from the get go. While I tried to find the guy the station told me to meet, we got sent her way. When I was asking how many people got to go back, she interrupted me by saying "JUST STOP TALKING. JUST STOP." ( I was originally going to let Nicole and Rich meet them, since Nicole gave me her extra floor seat ticket...but FFFB said it had to be me and a guest, and there was no negotiating with her.)
Nicole was upset and I think maybe crying a little because she was running late and couldn't print her tix, and one of the other dudes told her he'd get her an extra armband. We were all ushered in and lined up to go, and we told her and Jamie good luck getting in. Apparently when dude told FFFB to give Nic a band, they asked for Jamie, too, and FFFB TOTALLY LIED and said she didn't have any extras even though she had two or three GD extras and just walked away. Then she made Nicole go to the back of the line since she wasn't with a radio station per se, and we ended up standing with a bunch of other DJs. I asked Connie from 96.5 if she happened to have a spare armband, and she said no. She was also not pleased with FFFB and her nazi ways....
Anyhow, Rico and I got to go in together, and basically we shook the bands hands one at at time, got to pose for a picture with them, and then as we were shown out we each got a signed picture. It all lasted about two minutes, but it was pretty sweet. I was honestly impressed by how cute Adam Levine is in real life. I thought he would be SUPER heroin looking skinny since he looks so slender in pictures and videos, but he wasn't. He was taller than I expected, and slender, but not crack skinny. I also looked him right in the eyes, and they are a very bright hazel-green. Nice. The other dudes were more smiley...the super cute drummer was the first in line and he looked at my belly and gave me a huge grin when we shook hands. The long haired guitarist was also super smiley.
I could feel all the vibrations in my belly, and between that and dancing, I think Harrison slept the whole time. At the very end he thumped a few times...it was a nice long nap for him. This morning he is moving and shaking all over the place.
Dad and Marcie kept the girls overnight last night so we could go...and they still aren't home yet!! It was so weird to wake up normally (slept in until 7:45...YEAH!) I miss my girl. Usually she pops up with her spectacular morning hair, and barges into our room with Lambie and Lambie's blanket, saying "Mommy! Daddy! It's wake up time. It's wake up time, Mommy" over and over. I just called to make sure Dad survived, and Marcia told me he has the girls at IHOP right now eating breakfast and then he'll bring them home. Where's my kid?? I want her back.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Pregnancy Post 38
He is getting so strong. It's fantastic. Once I start kick counts in 4 weeks, I know if he doesn't meet quota something's up, because he is already kicking so hard my belly is moving.
I am so emotional, for no reason. I had a good day at work, and at school, but came home on the verge of tears. My Rico came and had lunch with me (wor wonton soup from golden flower....NOMNOMNOMS) and then class was much less painful than the past few weeks. Swiss Beats was feeling saucy, I think. He had on khakis and a nice button up, instead of jeans and a flannel. I answered several questions out loud, and even worked out an entire problem in my head before anyone else piped up with the first step. So even though I could give a crap about the periodicity of the unit circle and measuring degrees in radians, being able to figure out the 6 trigonomic functions, and all the crap we're covering, at least I can do it so far. I also made myself an appt with the tutor this Saturday, so I can ask questions freely there, too. I am owning this class. We have one more unit to cover, which we'll finish next week, and then test one the week after that.
Friday Nicole and I are going to see Maroon 5, which I am pretty excited about! At first (months ago) she offered to sell me her extra ticket because she bought two automatically when they went on sale, and I just can't justify spending that much moolah right now. This week she decided that since I always cook for her when she drops in to visit that we're square, because she always needs food. So, girl date!! Good times. I have one sassy non maternity dress that fits me, and I want to try and find something cute to go with it. I really want a pair of boots.Or new shoes of some sort. I've been trying to win tickets for a month so Rico can come with, but so far no luck. Maybe it'll happen last minute.
What else is going on? My 4th anniversary at WSG was the end of last month, which just seems crazy! Can't believe it's been so long since I left Renown. I left broken, depressed, and sort of lost, and I feel so different now. Having Bellamy was the catalyst. I had lost all drive, and was sort of aimless after I had Connor. But having her, and feeling that at least one aspect of my life was back on track gave me back part of the spark I'd lost. I've been back in school since she was less than a year old, and chipping away little by little...if next semester turns out to be my last at TMCC, what an accomplishment! Steady as she goes, I guess.
Rico is at ease for the first time since quitting smoking, and it's fabulous. He's very lovey and affectionate, and it's so nice to have him back. Plus his focus is ridiculous. He is out looking for jobs everyday, working out, just trying to improve our lives and I love him for it. His perseverance is remarkable.
And Harrison still thump thumps away. He didn't show us his face at my ultrasound yesterday, but we got a really cute sequence. In the first one he turns his head and puts his fists up to cover his face. In the second one he opens his hands and shows us his fingers. In the last one he completely shrimps up, brings his legs up and his head back. So stubborn, and so adorable.
For now, I am going to go see if I can tear my fella way from Starship Troopers and tear into him myself instead. Zing!!
I am so emotional, for no reason. I had a good day at work, and at school, but came home on the verge of tears. My Rico came and had lunch with me (wor wonton soup from golden flower....NOMNOMNOMS) and then class was much less painful than the past few weeks. Swiss Beats was feeling saucy, I think. He had on khakis and a nice button up, instead of jeans and a flannel. I answered several questions out loud, and even worked out an entire problem in my head before anyone else piped up with the first step. So even though I could give a crap about the periodicity of the unit circle and measuring degrees in radians, being able to figure out the 6 trigonomic functions, and all the crap we're covering, at least I can do it so far. I also made myself an appt with the tutor this Saturday, so I can ask questions freely there, too. I am owning this class. We have one more unit to cover, which we'll finish next week, and then test one the week after that.
Friday Nicole and I are going to see Maroon 5, which I am pretty excited about! At first (months ago) she offered to sell me her extra ticket because she bought two automatically when they went on sale, and I just can't justify spending that much moolah right now. This week she decided that since I always cook for her when she drops in to visit that we're square, because she always needs food. So, girl date!! Good times. I have one sassy non maternity dress that fits me, and I want to try and find something cute to go with it. I really want a pair of boots.Or new shoes of some sort. I've been trying to win tickets for a month so Rico can come with, but so far no luck. Maybe it'll happen last minute.
What else is going on? My 4th anniversary at WSG was the end of last month, which just seems crazy! Can't believe it's been so long since I left Renown. I left broken, depressed, and sort of lost, and I feel so different now. Having Bellamy was the catalyst. I had lost all drive, and was sort of aimless after I had Connor. But having her, and feeling that at least one aspect of my life was back on track gave me back part of the spark I'd lost. I've been back in school since she was less than a year old, and chipping away little by little...if next semester turns out to be my last at TMCC, what an accomplishment! Steady as she goes, I guess.
Rico is at ease for the first time since quitting smoking, and it's fabulous. He's very lovey and affectionate, and it's so nice to have him back. Plus his focus is ridiculous. He is out looking for jobs everyday, working out, just trying to improve our lives and I love him for it. His perseverance is remarkable.
And Harrison still thump thumps away. He didn't show us his face at my ultrasound yesterday, but we got a really cute sequence. In the first one he turns his head and puts his fists up to cover his face. In the second one he opens his hands and shows us his fingers. In the last one he completely shrimps up, brings his legs up and his head back. So stubborn, and so adorable.
For now, I am going to go see if I can tear my fella way from Starship Troopers and tear into him myself instead. Zing!!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Pregnancy Post 3something
Honestly don't remember what number I am on, and I am not too concerned about it.
I should be doing homework, and I just can't focus. Been trying all weekend and my mind just wanders. I'll do it this week, when I have already done other obligatory stuff, like gone to work. I had too much fun with the family circus this weekend to fuck it up by studying.
Friday night Richie's friend from work Brandon came over with his partner JR, and we got them started on season one of True Blood. Ahhh, new converts.) We had a blast, just chatting and visiting. Rico even made an amazing looking salad for everyone for dinner. Brandon and JR are both watching their figures in preparation for their wedding, and R has been working out like a bandit, so he wanted to be a conscientious host. Love him.
Saturday we were going to head to the balloon races, but slept in instead. It was delish. Then we ran errands as a family, which was also a blast, because we don't do it that often. First we went to the gym to add Rico to my membership, which is EXCITING. Then I had to get new bras and panties (Thank you, Harrison) and we had to get Belly some new shoes. It was a good morning. Very relaxing, and all three of us were in a lovey, affectionate mood.Plus I found out my gym does swim lessons for kids, headed by the serbian olympian fella who I've seen coaching people. AWESOME.
Bellamy and I both took naps after Rico headed to work, and then spent the rest of the evening relaxing and just hanging out. WHICH WAS AMAZING. To just be still, and relax. I did make her a deal that if she helped clean her room this morning, we'd check out the new museum, and she went to bed smiling about that. Also, her go to bedtime song is still itsy bitsy spider, and lately we sing it in crazy voices. Whisper voice, laughing voice, monster voice, you name it. She's just a kick ass kid.
Jamie and Jules also got home from their Cali extravaganza, so I got to see pics of my new great niece, and visit with Jam a little.
This morning was pretty much a house cleaning party, plus our handyman finally came and fixed some shit, so that was lovely. I had laundry done by lunch, and had cleaned the playroom and B's room (with tons of help from her.) After her nap i loaded up her and Jules and we did go to the museum as promised, and it was SO CUTE. There were kids everywhere, but not one of them was rude or misbehaved, and Jules and Bellamy did marvelously. There were tons of rooms to see, and everything was touchable and interactive. Pretty amazing.
When we got home B was so worn out we snuggled, and she let me give her restless legs a massage. Her growing pains have been so bad lately. I bought a wintergreen and juniper lotion to help her sore muscles...she loved it.
NEXT DAY....
So I completely fell asleep last night while typing. SHOCKER. Anyhoo. I should have done homework after B went to sleep, and couldn't focus to save my soul. Did one problem out of 20. Granted, it had 6 parts and took me almost half an hour, but still. Not ideal. Wanted to do more after True Blood and still couldn't FOCUS. So, I'll probably try again tonight after I go to the gym.
I have an ultrasound today (hopefully 3D if Harrison will quit squidging this time and hold still!) Then back to work, then gym, and then homework. Hopefully. I worked out 3 days in a row last week (gym thurs, fri, and then home workout with Belly on Saturday.) My plan is to do 3-4 days a week, and hopefully keep my swelling to a minimum so I don't look like the elephant man when I deliver.
Here's hoping.
I should be doing homework, and I just can't focus. Been trying all weekend and my mind just wanders. I'll do it this week, when I have already done other obligatory stuff, like gone to work. I had too much fun with the family circus this weekend to fuck it up by studying.
Friday night Richie's friend from work Brandon came over with his partner JR, and we got them started on season one of True Blood. Ahhh, new converts.) We had a blast, just chatting and visiting. Rico even made an amazing looking salad for everyone for dinner. Brandon and JR are both watching their figures in preparation for their wedding, and R has been working out like a bandit, so he wanted to be a conscientious host. Love him.
Saturday we were going to head to the balloon races, but slept in instead. It was delish. Then we ran errands as a family, which was also a blast, because we don't do it that often. First we went to the gym to add Rico to my membership, which is EXCITING. Then I had to get new bras and panties (Thank you, Harrison) and we had to get Belly some new shoes. It was a good morning. Very relaxing, and all three of us were in a lovey, affectionate mood.Plus I found out my gym does swim lessons for kids, headed by the serbian olympian fella who I've seen coaching people. AWESOME.
Bellamy and I both took naps after Rico headed to work, and then spent the rest of the evening relaxing and just hanging out. WHICH WAS AMAZING. To just be still, and relax. I did make her a deal that if she helped clean her room this morning, we'd check out the new museum, and she went to bed smiling about that. Also, her go to bedtime song is still itsy bitsy spider, and lately we sing it in crazy voices. Whisper voice, laughing voice, monster voice, you name it. She's just a kick ass kid.
Jamie and Jules also got home from their Cali extravaganza, so I got to see pics of my new great niece, and visit with Jam a little.
This morning was pretty much a house cleaning party, plus our handyman finally came and fixed some shit, so that was lovely. I had laundry done by lunch, and had cleaned the playroom and B's room (with tons of help from her.) After her nap i loaded up her and Jules and we did go to the museum as promised, and it was SO CUTE. There were kids everywhere, but not one of them was rude or misbehaved, and Jules and Bellamy did marvelously. There were tons of rooms to see, and everything was touchable and interactive. Pretty amazing.
When we got home B was so worn out we snuggled, and she let me give her restless legs a massage. Her growing pains have been so bad lately. I bought a wintergreen and juniper lotion to help her sore muscles...she loved it.
NEXT DAY....
So I completely fell asleep last night while typing. SHOCKER. Anyhoo. I should have done homework after B went to sleep, and couldn't focus to save my soul. Did one problem out of 20. Granted, it had 6 parts and took me almost half an hour, but still. Not ideal. Wanted to do more after True Blood and still couldn't FOCUS. So, I'll probably try again tonight after I go to the gym.
I have an ultrasound today (hopefully 3D if Harrison will quit squidging this time and hold still!) Then back to work, then gym, and then homework. Hopefully. I worked out 3 days in a row last week (gym thurs, fri, and then home workout with Belly on Saturday.) My plan is to do 3-4 days a week, and hopefully keep my swelling to a minimum so I don't look like the elephant man when I deliver.
Here's hoping.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Pregnancy Post 36
Oh fall semester, how I love to loathe thee.
Second week of school is underway, and I am already slightly overwhelmed with my whopping ONE class. But I finally was able to do my first homework assignment tonight (no idea when it's due, so I am doing homework as we cover the subject matter in class for as along as possible...) so for the moment I am completely on task. Since I am the one tasking myself.
Baby Boy is moving and shaking! It's pretty fantastic. I don't start kick counts for a few more weeks, but of course I am trying to learn his routine and just revel in his thumps. Now whenever Bellamy talks to him she starts every conversation with "Well hello, Baby Harrison Grey Fougner!" She's so proper.
Sunday my friend Erin watched her so Rich and I could go to Dr Hulka's Labor Day party, and I had her all amped up for it by talking about her 'playdate.' She was so excited she had to pack a bag, and was rehearsing what she was going to say on the way over. Adorable. And her and Gabrielle got along famously, which was an added bonus. She's such a big girl! I was so happy I cried on the way home...it had been such a nice weekend with her and Rico I was feeling exceptionally thankful and totally cried. For such a bruiser (she's into wrestling, and kinda beats up her Cousin Danny) she is also a little lady.
We also went up to my dad's last weekend for a night, and Rico totally relaxed, and shot alot of pool. He played dad, Marcia, and a cute young kid named Mason from down the street. We took B on a nature walk, which she wasn't a fan of, though she was excited to wear her new princess sneaks. I napped. Which was delish. I hope to have a few more weekends like that before little man arrives.
My maternity leave nest egg check was mailed today, and hopefully I'll get my school money this week. I am looking forward to that stress being officially wiped out! Exciting.Then we can buy a crib, and then head to babies r us to register for all the other fun gear.
I have to figure out a solid routine during the week though. I have been so tired, and so stressed about not doing laundry/cleaning/homework fast enough, on top of trying to actually spend time with Richie and B, and also relax and sleep, that I've had myself all worked up. Last night I pretty much passed out after work, school, and getting B to bed, but not before I unloaded the dishes and did one load of laundry. Today R put it away for me, and I did another load when I got home, and did homework after B went to bed. So...I've done a little everything, which is gonna have to do for now. Tomorrow after school I am going to the gym, since R will be around to get B.
Everything will work itself out in the end I guess. I just need to try and stay relaxed.
Second week of school is underway, and I am already slightly overwhelmed with my whopping ONE class. But I finally was able to do my first homework assignment tonight (no idea when it's due, so I am doing homework as we cover the subject matter in class for as along as possible...) so for the moment I am completely on task. Since I am the one tasking myself.
Baby Boy is moving and shaking! It's pretty fantastic. I don't start kick counts for a few more weeks, but of course I am trying to learn his routine and just revel in his thumps. Now whenever Bellamy talks to him she starts every conversation with "Well hello, Baby Harrison Grey Fougner!" She's so proper.
Sunday my friend Erin watched her so Rich and I could go to Dr Hulka's Labor Day party, and I had her all amped up for it by talking about her 'playdate.' She was so excited she had to pack a bag, and was rehearsing what she was going to say on the way over. Adorable. And her and Gabrielle got along famously, which was an added bonus. She's such a big girl! I was so happy I cried on the way home...it had been such a nice weekend with her and Rico I was feeling exceptionally thankful and totally cried. For such a bruiser (she's into wrestling, and kinda beats up her Cousin Danny) she is also a little lady.
We also went up to my dad's last weekend for a night, and Rico totally relaxed, and shot alot of pool. He played dad, Marcia, and a cute young kid named Mason from down the street. We took B on a nature walk, which she wasn't a fan of, though she was excited to wear her new princess sneaks. I napped. Which was delish. I hope to have a few more weekends like that before little man arrives.
My maternity leave nest egg check was mailed today, and hopefully I'll get my school money this week. I am looking forward to that stress being officially wiped out! Exciting.Then we can buy a crib, and then head to babies r us to register for all the other fun gear.
I have to figure out a solid routine during the week though. I have been so tired, and so stressed about not doing laundry/cleaning/homework fast enough, on top of trying to actually spend time with Richie and B, and also relax and sleep, that I've had myself all worked up. Last night I pretty much passed out after work, school, and getting B to bed, but not before I unloaded the dishes and did one load of laundry. Today R put it away for me, and I did another load when I got home, and did homework after B went to bed. So...I've done a little everything, which is gonna have to do for now. Tomorrow after school I am going to the gym, since R will be around to get B.
Everything will work itself out in the end I guess. I just need to try and stay relaxed.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Pregnancy Post 35
Also: this week my mom actually asked if I was losing weight because she thought my face looked more slender.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Not the case. And not really a worry. I am gaining weight more slowly than my first two pregnancies, and as long as I get my fella here safely, I don't give a whit about my weight. I gained 70 with Connor, 55 (I think) with Bellamy, and I think it'll be lower once again, so balls to stressing about it for the next 4 months.
A week or two before I found out I was pregnant I had just hit the 60 pound weight loss mark, that I'd been working on for two years. SIXTY POUNDS. I am not gonna lie, it stings a little to be gaining it back, but this is my last gestational go round, and after losing so much before at a slow and healthy rate, I know I can do it again. I've proven to myself I can do it.
After having Connor, it was always one of my bigger pet peeves to listen to women who gave birth to perfectly healthy babies bitch about their weight gain/post baby bodies. I know it's a natural vanity thing, but FRICK. BIGGER PICTURE. Fairly sure having your baby in your arms is worth a few extra pounds, whether you lose the weight or not.
With school starting, and really hitting the planning stage of pregnancy, I have so many other things that could stress me out I don't want to let something like this add to it. Trying to quell my neuroses and focus on the important stuff. Like my sanity. Like my relationship with Richie and Bellamy. Like getting Harrison here safe and sound.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Not the case. And not really a worry. I am gaining weight more slowly than my first two pregnancies, and as long as I get my fella here safely, I don't give a whit about my weight. I gained 70 with Connor, 55 (I think) with Bellamy, and I think it'll be lower once again, so balls to stressing about it for the next 4 months.
A week or two before I found out I was pregnant I had just hit the 60 pound weight loss mark, that I'd been working on for two years. SIXTY POUNDS. I am not gonna lie, it stings a little to be gaining it back, but this is my last gestational go round, and after losing so much before at a slow and healthy rate, I know I can do it again. I've proven to myself I can do it.
After having Connor, it was always one of my bigger pet peeves to listen to women who gave birth to perfectly healthy babies bitch about their weight gain/post baby bodies. I know it's a natural vanity thing, but FRICK. BIGGER PICTURE. Fairly sure having your baby in your arms is worth a few extra pounds, whether you lose the weight or not.
With school starting, and really hitting the planning stage of pregnancy, I have so many other things that could stress me out I don't want to let something like this add to it. Trying to quell my neuroses and focus on the important stuff. Like my sanity. Like my relationship with Richie and Bellamy. Like getting Harrison here safe and sound.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Pregnancy Post 34 (did I pick the right number??)
it's a boy! the little nub is officially Harrison Grey Fougner.
The reveal shindig was a blast (I cried of course, out of happiness and trepidation) but so far I've been ok. Not quite filled with scary clown terror like I was expecting, though I am more anxious. The dr wants us to come back for a 2nd ultrasound in 2 more weeks. She said she couldn't see all that she wanted, and I hope that's the case. A serious concern at this point (this week is officially HALFWAY) might just do me in altogether. He was very active when we were there, so maybe she didn't really see all that she needed to.
The reality of hitting the halfway point has urged me to start looking for all the baby things we need that we don't have anymore. Trolling babiesrus and craigslist has given me a thrill. Also found a way to secure a tidy little nest egg for when I am off on leave, and it was startlingly easy. Money worries shouldn't be much of an issue while I am off work and that is WHACKING HUGE RELIEF.
Of course not everything could go smoothly in all aspect of my life, and I realized that I forgot to submit my FAFSA this year....when I got the email that I had been kicked out of class for non payment. I immediately signed back up for it, and my gracious sister loaned me the money out of her massive loans until I get my own financial aid. (Which I submitted this week. It got accepted. Then I had to be re-evaluated to see if I am meeting the acadmeic progress standard - which was the first appeal I did last year - and got the highest marks. Then I got a notice that I needed to submit an independant student verification worksheet along with my tax return, which I did today.) All in all, I feel back on track. My sis laughed when I told her I was stressing over my one class, and told me that her two graduate classes at UNR total almost 10 times that. BANANAS. Education is so GD expensive.
But, tally ho....progress! My first class is on Tuesday and I am ready to roll. I was trying to figure out how much work I'll miss on weeks where I have both class and dr's appts. If I fall consistently below 40 hours a week I'll be considered a part time employee, and will have to pay alot more to keep benefits for me and Punky B. Which I don't want to happen, because my bosses gave me the lowdown, and it would increase to almost half my checks to keep us insured. So basically my schedule will be this:
M: 7:30 to 5 (usually I'd be off at 4, but I can make up an hour)
T: 7:30 to 3:00 (class from 3:30 to 4:45)
W: 7:30 to 5 (make up another hour i'll be missing for class)
TH: 7:30 to 3:00 for school again
F: 7:30 to 4:00 (or five to make up third hour of time if I have appts that week.)
if my drs appts take up more time than that, hopefully I'll have sick or vacation time to cover. so I think it might work out really, because the extra hour on M/W will make up for being short an hour on T/Th. At this point I am more worried about forgetting to show up for something or do something important before it's due. This morning I asked our HR guru about my FMLA paperwork, and she laughed when I told her I wasn't due until January. I said, ummm, yeah, but if I don't ask now, I might forget altogether, like my blasted FAFSA.
(which i swear I did right after our taxes. even thought I went online and did all my acceptance clicks and shit. apparently not. I almost called TMCC raging out when I first got the email, until I went to my student center and there was not a trace of financial aid awards or anything for the 2011-2012 year.)
In Punky B news, she's going through an extended amount of naked time, and I like it. It started last weekend after we took the girls to the gay pride event at the river. She got home, stripped down totally nude, ate a quesadilla and passed out, still naked. That's been the routine almost every night since. She'll get home for the day, and after a spell just take it off. Which makes me soooooo happy. Her biscuits are ridiculously cute. I want to bite them. And she doesn't ACT naked when it happens. She'll still help clean, eat dinner at the table, play around, you name it. Tonight she got in her recliner, put the footrest up, and leisurely ate some cherries while we watched Pushing Daisies. Love it.
HARRISON GREY.
I can't wait. I am 99.9% sure he will make it here safe and sound because I can't believe a Connor level tragedy would strike twice. But I feel as though the universe should be warned: if something does happen to him, I will go full force Darth Rosenberg and try to end the world. So, cosmos, treat my boy and my reproductive system with the respect and care they both deserve. Thank you.
The reveal shindig was a blast (I cried of course, out of happiness and trepidation) but so far I've been ok. Not quite filled with scary clown terror like I was expecting, though I am more anxious. The dr wants us to come back for a 2nd ultrasound in 2 more weeks. She said she couldn't see all that she wanted, and I hope that's the case. A serious concern at this point (this week is officially HALFWAY) might just do me in altogether. He was very active when we were there, so maybe she didn't really see all that she needed to.
The reality of hitting the halfway point has urged me to start looking for all the baby things we need that we don't have anymore. Trolling babiesrus and craigslist has given me a thrill. Also found a way to secure a tidy little nest egg for when I am off on leave, and it was startlingly easy. Money worries shouldn't be much of an issue while I am off work and that is WHACKING HUGE RELIEF.
Of course not everything could go smoothly in all aspect of my life, and I realized that I forgot to submit my FAFSA this year....when I got the email that I had been kicked out of class for non payment. I immediately signed back up for it, and my gracious sister loaned me the money out of her massive loans until I get my own financial aid. (Which I submitted this week. It got accepted. Then I had to be re-evaluated to see if I am meeting the acadmeic progress standard - which was the first appeal I did last year - and got the highest marks. Then I got a notice that I needed to submit an independant student verification worksheet along with my tax return, which I did today.) All in all, I feel back on track. My sis laughed when I told her I was stressing over my one class, and told me that her two graduate classes at UNR total almost 10 times that. BANANAS. Education is so GD expensive.
But, tally ho....progress! My first class is on Tuesday and I am ready to roll. I was trying to figure out how much work I'll miss on weeks where I have both class and dr's appts. If I fall consistently below 40 hours a week I'll be considered a part time employee, and will have to pay alot more to keep benefits for me and Punky B. Which I don't want to happen, because my bosses gave me the lowdown, and it would increase to almost half my checks to keep us insured. So basically my schedule will be this:
M: 7:30 to 5 (usually I'd be off at 4, but I can make up an hour)
T: 7:30 to 3:00 (class from 3:30 to 4:45)
W: 7:30 to 5 (make up another hour i'll be missing for class)
TH: 7:30 to 3:00 for school again
F: 7:30 to 4:00 (or five to make up third hour of time if I have appts that week.)
if my drs appts take up more time than that, hopefully I'll have sick or vacation time to cover. so I think it might work out really, because the extra hour on M/W will make up for being short an hour on T/Th. At this point I am more worried about forgetting to show up for something or do something important before it's due. This morning I asked our HR guru about my FMLA paperwork, and she laughed when I told her I wasn't due until January. I said, ummm, yeah, but if I don't ask now, I might forget altogether, like my blasted FAFSA.
(which i swear I did right after our taxes. even thought I went online and did all my acceptance clicks and shit. apparently not. I almost called TMCC raging out when I first got the email, until I went to my student center and there was not a trace of financial aid awards or anything for the 2011-2012 year.)
In Punky B news, she's going through an extended amount of naked time, and I like it. It started last weekend after we took the girls to the gay pride event at the river. She got home, stripped down totally nude, ate a quesadilla and passed out, still naked. That's been the routine almost every night since. She'll get home for the day, and after a spell just take it off. Which makes me soooooo happy. Her biscuits are ridiculously cute. I want to bite them. And she doesn't ACT naked when it happens. She'll still help clean, eat dinner at the table, play around, you name it. Tonight she got in her recliner, put the footrest up, and leisurely ate some cherries while we watched Pushing Daisies. Love it.
HARRISON GREY.
I can't wait. I am 99.9% sure he will make it here safe and sound because I can't believe a Connor level tragedy would strike twice. But I feel as though the universe should be warned: if something does happen to him, I will go full force Darth Rosenberg and try to end the world. So, cosmos, treat my boy and my reproductive system with the respect and care they both deserve. Thank you.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Pregnancy Post 33
I am feeling human again! Let's hope it last for more than a week this time.
This weekend has been pretty fabulous, lowkey though it may have been. Went to visit Jess on Friday Brought dessert and we watched some Mad Men. (Draper = Delicious.)
Yesterday we went to the farmer's market after a chill morning, because I had the urge for homemade tomato soup. The evening wasn't nearly as relaxing as the day...mainly due to a bunch of asshat employees at the airport. But my niece is home, and all is well.
Today was all about cleaning and cooking, which sounds hellacious, but has been terribly relaxing. I scrubbed the living room carpet by hand to erase the damage done by the last month of non stop birthdays, worked on my room, worked on belly's room, dusted, and de-cluttered large portions of the downstairs. Jamie tackled her room and the kitchen, while Juliane did her room, and Rico picked up the garage and washed cars. I love family cleaning days. Punky B as usual helped pick up stuff and deliver it where i told her to, which saves me a million trips up and down the stairs.
My soup turned out to be a tasty accompaniment to lunch time grilled cheese sammies...and then jamie and i put together a rocking healthy dinner menu. Pasta with andouille, roasted brussel sprouts and carrots. AMAZING. Then I made blondies, both for Nicole, and for Torrey.(and a few leftover for us, of course.)
Now I am sitting here, not wanting to sleep, because that means I have to go to work in the morning. I knocked out B's thank you cards while watching True Blood....and I think I am going to go snuggle upstairs and read. Tomorrow is the big ultrasound, and I can't believe I am crazy enough to try and NOT find out right then and there if the beanpod is a boy or a girl.
It seems like I made this appt so long ago...I can't believe it's finally here! BANANAS.
I am so excited!!!!
This weekend has been pretty fabulous, lowkey though it may have been. Went to visit Jess on Friday Brought dessert and we watched some Mad Men. (Draper = Delicious.)
Yesterday we went to the farmer's market after a chill morning, because I had the urge for homemade tomato soup. The evening wasn't nearly as relaxing as the day...mainly due to a bunch of asshat employees at the airport. But my niece is home, and all is well.
Today was all about cleaning and cooking, which sounds hellacious, but has been terribly relaxing. I scrubbed the living room carpet by hand to erase the damage done by the last month of non stop birthdays, worked on my room, worked on belly's room, dusted, and de-cluttered large portions of the downstairs. Jamie tackled her room and the kitchen, while Juliane did her room, and Rico picked up the garage and washed cars. I love family cleaning days. Punky B as usual helped pick up stuff and deliver it where i told her to, which saves me a million trips up and down the stairs.
My soup turned out to be a tasty accompaniment to lunch time grilled cheese sammies...and then jamie and i put together a rocking healthy dinner menu. Pasta with andouille, roasted brussel sprouts and carrots. AMAZING. Then I made blondies, both for Nicole, and for Torrey.(and a few leftover for us, of course.)
Now I am sitting here, not wanting to sleep, because that means I have to go to work in the morning. I knocked out B's thank you cards while watching True Blood....and I think I am going to go snuggle upstairs and read. Tomorrow is the big ultrasound, and I can't believe I am crazy enough to try and NOT find out right then and there if the beanpod is a boy or a girl.
It seems like I made this appt so long ago...I can't believe it's finally here! BANANAS.
I am so excited!!!!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Pregnancy Post 32
i am officially sick of being sick. blood in the urine? UTI? antibiotics? nausea inducing pain?
bush league. all of it.
bush league. all of it.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Pregnancy Post 31
Connor's fifth birthday has passed, and my fifth anniversary has arrived! And as usual, no matter how sad, angry, or confused I am, I am still here.
I almost think this year Richie had a harder time than I did. The hopes of wanting this last pregnancy to be a boy are overwhelming him at this point, and Wednesday was basically the reason why. I love him. He came to see me at work, just to give me a hug. I was barely functional from being sick, so I did ok at work. I was too tired to be emotional for those 8 hours. Of course I cried off an on when I got home, but it felt good. This is the first year I haven't written to him in the journal I started on the day of his funeral. I think I still might, even though his day has come and gone. It's always cathartic. (I did, however, listen to Grace, by Kate Havnevik...the song I played incessantly after I had him. I actually forgot the name of the person that sings it, and had to think for a minute.)
There was a moment when one person kind of waved off my sadness by pointing out that I was pregnant again and it will all be ok, and the sting of that sort of comment made me want to unleash. But I didn't. I can't tell you how many people told me not to be sad about Connor because I'd just get pregnant again and have more kids. Which I knew was true, but really, is trying to replace one kid with another a healthy attitude?
As it was 5 years ago, I wanted to say "Can you just think of the day you delivered one of your kids? When you were surrounded by family and everyone was happy? Imagine that, but picture every one crying. Picture a stone silent delivery. Giving birth, not to a squirmy newborn, but a seven pound CORPSE. Only getting to hold your baby ONCE after dreaming about it for nine months. Having to choose between burial and cremation, and decided whether or not to have an AUTOPSY. Knowing that while you are upstairs, binding your breasts to suppress the milk that's coming in, bleeding, recovering from childbirth, your baby is downstairs in a REFRIGERATOR ALL ALONE." But I didn't. I just acknowledged the joy of this new pregnancy and said even with Bellamy and the newbie, I will still always miss him.
It is sort of amazing how people short change grief. It isn't like I lock myself away every day and cry about him. I have one day where it really gets me down - his birthday - and even that is too much to some. I don't understand it.
I fell asleep that night feeling thankful, of all things. Despite thinking I STILL WANT MY SON all day...as my life changes each year, I feel so lucky. Isn't that sort of fucked up? It's true though. As time passes and things change, I learn to shut the fuck up, bitch a little less, and appreciate a little more, because I really do have a lot to be thankful for, despite the gaping hole in my heart that losing Connor left. My family is ridiculously amazing, Richie is so supportive, and Bellamy just rocks my socks off. I am kicking ass in school (which starts in a few weeks - YEAH!), and though nothing about my daily routine is easy, it's mine, and I love it.
Ask me how much I love it when I am eight months pregnant, still working full time, and taking finals and my answer might have a little more of a "WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THIS?!?" flair, but that happens every semester, knocked up or no. Plus I am really glad I am only in one class, that will require no term projects or papers, so it really won't be that bad. This'll be the first semester since I went back where that will be the case.
As for the pain in my ass illness that struck over the weekend...I am feeling back to normal, for the most part. Some lingering abdominal pain, and I think I am once again a tad dehydrated, even after two trips to the ER for fluids and drinking the nasty potassium stuff, but hey, I am better. I am mentally prepared for the discomforts of pregnancy, and when nonsense like this happens, it's just gd annoying. Pregnant women should be protecting from normal illnesses by an invisible immunity shield. Growing a person is hard enough without routine illness getting in the way.
Anyhow, I hear my girl or my Rico stirring, both of whom I need to give good morning kisses to! That's enough for now...
I almost think this year Richie had a harder time than I did. The hopes of wanting this last pregnancy to be a boy are overwhelming him at this point, and Wednesday was basically the reason why. I love him. He came to see me at work, just to give me a hug. I was barely functional from being sick, so I did ok at work. I was too tired to be emotional for those 8 hours. Of course I cried off an on when I got home, but it felt good. This is the first year I haven't written to him in the journal I started on the day of his funeral. I think I still might, even though his day has come and gone. It's always cathartic. (I did, however, listen to Grace, by Kate Havnevik...the song I played incessantly after I had him. I actually forgot the name of the person that sings it, and had to think for a minute.)
There was a moment when one person kind of waved off my sadness by pointing out that I was pregnant again and it will all be ok, and the sting of that sort of comment made me want to unleash. But I didn't. I can't tell you how many people told me not to be sad about Connor because I'd just get pregnant again and have more kids. Which I knew was true, but really, is trying to replace one kid with another a healthy attitude?
As it was 5 years ago, I wanted to say "Can you just think of the day you delivered one of your kids? When you were surrounded by family and everyone was happy? Imagine that, but picture every one crying. Picture a stone silent delivery. Giving birth, not to a squirmy newborn, but a seven pound CORPSE. Only getting to hold your baby ONCE after dreaming about it for nine months. Having to choose between burial and cremation, and decided whether or not to have an AUTOPSY. Knowing that while you are upstairs, binding your breasts to suppress the milk that's coming in, bleeding, recovering from childbirth, your baby is downstairs in a REFRIGERATOR ALL ALONE." But I didn't. I just acknowledged the joy of this new pregnancy and said even with Bellamy and the newbie, I will still always miss him.
It is sort of amazing how people short change grief. It isn't like I lock myself away every day and cry about him. I have one day where it really gets me down - his birthday - and even that is too much to some. I don't understand it.
I fell asleep that night feeling thankful, of all things. Despite thinking I STILL WANT MY SON all day...as my life changes each year, I feel so lucky. Isn't that sort of fucked up? It's true though. As time passes and things change, I learn to shut the fuck up, bitch a little less, and appreciate a little more, because I really do have a lot to be thankful for, despite the gaping hole in my heart that losing Connor left. My family is ridiculously amazing, Richie is so supportive, and Bellamy just rocks my socks off. I am kicking ass in school (which starts in a few weeks - YEAH!), and though nothing about my daily routine is easy, it's mine, and I love it.
Ask me how much I love it when I am eight months pregnant, still working full time, and taking finals and my answer might have a little more of a "WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THIS?!?" flair, but that happens every semester, knocked up or no. Plus I am really glad I am only in one class, that will require no term projects or papers, so it really won't be that bad. This'll be the first semester since I went back where that will be the case.
As for the pain in my ass illness that struck over the weekend...I am feeling back to normal, for the most part. Some lingering abdominal pain, and I think I am once again a tad dehydrated, even after two trips to the ER for fluids and drinking the nasty potassium stuff, but hey, I am better. I am mentally prepared for the discomforts of pregnancy, and when nonsense like this happens, it's just gd annoying. Pregnant women should be protecting from normal illnesses by an invisible immunity shield. Growing a person is hard enough without routine illness getting in the way.
Anyhow, I hear my girl or my Rico stirring, both of whom I need to give good morning kisses to! That's enough for now...
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I don't know what to call this post 30
it has been a long 4 days of being sick, being worried, and trying to stay calm which didn't really happen.
i am going back to work tomorrow, and i just now realized what day it is.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i am going back to work tomorrow, and i just now realized what day it is.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Pregnancy Post 29
I am officially the worst prego ever.
Been having headaches off and on for two weeks or so, and finally called the dr, because yesterday it was unrelenting, my heart kept racing periodically and it was making me lightheaded. The nurse practitioners suggestion? I am not eating enough. Especially protein. WHAT. First time in my life I've been told that, that's for GD sure.
Anyhow,I came home after work, and my amazing niece took care of B after we ate dinner so I could rest, since Jamie had a date, and Richie worked late. Woke up, felt pretty good, and went to work this morning.
I went to Raley's before work, to stock up on protein filled snacks (mainly nuts, and a little thing of PB to dip my fruit in since that's my main snack lately), and by the time I left I felt like I couldn't breathe and was getting panicky. It didn't change any, even though I sat at my desk, drank my water, and after getting fuzzy headed, went to sit on the bathroom floor to do some deep breathing to try and calm myself down.
I finally decided to leave, since the NP wanted me to take the rest of the day off yesterday and I didn't, because my day was almost done. My sister took me home, because I didn't want to drive (I was loopy and dizzy still), and as soon as we got into the hallway, I burst into tears. Go me. She had to coach me into breathing the whole way home so I didn't go into full hysterical mania.
I kind of think I am having mini panic attacks or something. I am not dehydrated, and my blood pressure is fine. Baby is ok...yesterday they couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler, so they did a quick US and we saw the heartbeat that way. I was so tweaked out at that point, that when I looked up and saw a very still baby curled into a ball, I didn't believe that she saw the heartbeat until she picked up the sound and let me listen via the us machine. I was convinced the baby wasn't alive and almost cried right there when I couldn't see the little flutter she pointed at. I am going insane.
I am increasingly anxious about not knowing the sex. I want to get to the point where I can feel movement and be the kick count nazi, like I was with Bellamy. (well, they way they instructed me to be at Dr Cantrell's office, really) but that's comforting to me. I know that if I don't count the movements they tell me to, that they'll send me straight to the hospital to get double checked.
I like having nurses that support me, and don't patronize me like the hospital staff does...they recognize that bad things happen in my pregnancies, and help me cope with out making me feel nuts. Granted, once I get to the hospital to get checked I have to deal with the new grad nurses who are trained to treat every pregnant woman as if she's overreacting, but for the most part they shut the fuck up when I tell them I've had a full term fetal demise and I've been sent by my drs. MOST of them. Some of them still tut tut like they know better, but I don't care. As long as they find the heartbeat/do an US/ etc and I know all is well in the danger zone (that would be my uterus) it's worth it.
There's also the fact that Connor's 5th birthday is fast approaching. Usually at this point I'm plagued by restless sleep, nightmares, and uncontrollable crying jags. I think maybe all those emotions are being transferred to worrying about the newbie. I don't want to project the negativity on the new baby, and I am trying hard not to, at least when I am conscious. My dreams and subconsciousness have a mind of their own.
It basically comes down to the fact that I want a boy, but I don't want to be pregnant with a boy. If it's a girl, the rest of my pregnancy will be marked by a decrease in the crazy. But then...if it's a girl...I will be crushed that we'll never have another boy, to do all the stuff with we never got to do with Connor. Richie needs a little jedi.
In other news, Bellamy is still an entertaining little rock star as usual. She told Richie the other day she has a boyfriend named Jackson Cole (a pretty kick ass name she made up herself.) and has been holding some intense My Little Pony races in the living room. There's even an assigned Dr Pony who puts band aids on the ponies that get hurt when they fall during their laps.
It's hard to remember life before her, and I am ok with it. She's a glorious little widget. She's my little cosmic gift, I've decided. After struggling with my first two disastrous pregnancies and the depression that followed them, I think the universe recognized we needed a break and I gave birth to a ridiculously radiant little ray of sunshine. Who is at this moment shoving connect 4 pieces in between my boobs for safekeeping.
Been having headaches off and on for two weeks or so, and finally called the dr, because yesterday it was unrelenting, my heart kept racing periodically and it was making me lightheaded. The nurse practitioners suggestion? I am not eating enough. Especially protein. WHAT. First time in my life I've been told that, that's for GD sure.
Anyhow,I came home after work, and my amazing niece took care of B after we ate dinner so I could rest, since Jamie had a date, and Richie worked late. Woke up, felt pretty good, and went to work this morning.
I went to Raley's before work, to stock up on protein filled snacks (mainly nuts, and a little thing of PB to dip my fruit in since that's my main snack lately), and by the time I left I felt like I couldn't breathe and was getting panicky. It didn't change any, even though I sat at my desk, drank my water, and after getting fuzzy headed, went to sit on the bathroom floor to do some deep breathing to try and calm myself down.
I finally decided to leave, since the NP wanted me to take the rest of the day off yesterday and I didn't, because my day was almost done. My sister took me home, because I didn't want to drive (I was loopy and dizzy still), and as soon as we got into the hallway, I burst into tears. Go me. She had to coach me into breathing the whole way home so I didn't go into full hysterical mania.
I kind of think I am having mini panic attacks or something. I am not dehydrated, and my blood pressure is fine. Baby is ok...yesterday they couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler, so they did a quick US and we saw the heartbeat that way. I was so tweaked out at that point, that when I looked up and saw a very still baby curled into a ball, I didn't believe that she saw the heartbeat until she picked up the sound and let me listen via the us machine. I was convinced the baby wasn't alive and almost cried right there when I couldn't see the little flutter she pointed at. I am going insane.
I am increasingly anxious about not knowing the sex. I want to get to the point where I can feel movement and be the kick count nazi, like I was with Bellamy. (well, they way they instructed me to be at Dr Cantrell's office, really) but that's comforting to me. I know that if I don't count the movements they tell me to, that they'll send me straight to the hospital to get double checked.
I like having nurses that support me, and don't patronize me like the hospital staff does...they recognize that bad things happen in my pregnancies, and help me cope with out making me feel nuts. Granted, once I get to the hospital to get checked I have to deal with the new grad nurses who are trained to treat every pregnant woman as if she's overreacting, but for the most part they shut the fuck up when I tell them I've had a full term fetal demise and I've been sent by my drs. MOST of them. Some of them still tut tut like they know better, but I don't care. As long as they find the heartbeat/do an US/ etc and I know all is well in the danger zone (that would be my uterus) it's worth it.
There's also the fact that Connor's 5th birthday is fast approaching. Usually at this point I'm plagued by restless sleep, nightmares, and uncontrollable crying jags. I think maybe all those emotions are being transferred to worrying about the newbie. I don't want to project the negativity on the new baby, and I am trying hard not to, at least when I am conscious. My dreams and subconsciousness have a mind of their own.
It basically comes down to the fact that I want a boy, but I don't want to be pregnant with a boy. If it's a girl, the rest of my pregnancy will be marked by a decrease in the crazy. But then...if it's a girl...I will be crushed that we'll never have another boy, to do all the stuff with we never got to do with Connor. Richie needs a little jedi.
In other news, Bellamy is still an entertaining little rock star as usual. She told Richie the other day she has a boyfriend named Jackson Cole (a pretty kick ass name she made up herself.) and has been holding some intense My Little Pony races in the living room. There's even an assigned Dr Pony who puts band aids on the ponies that get hurt when they fall during their laps.
It's hard to remember life before her, and I am ok with it. She's a glorious little widget. She's my little cosmic gift, I've decided. After struggling with my first two disastrous pregnancies and the depression that followed them, I think the universe recognized we needed a break and I gave birth to a ridiculously radiant little ray of sunshine. Who is at this moment shoving connect 4 pieces in between my boobs for safekeeping.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Pregnancy Post 28
The urge to nap after I eat lunch everyday is making me physically ILL.
It is so oppressive. I really have to work to stay awake at my desk, I fidget, I walk around the office, and still my eyes will barely stay open. Then I get irritated, then I get nauseous, and then my head starts to hurt.
I am still not entirely caught up on sleep from all the company and parties, but I am getting there. Today I was so frazzled and feeling so shitty, I came home, got naked, crawled into bed, and haven't done much since.
(I am so very very pregnant, that when I picked Juliane up from performing arts camp, they were doing improv dancing to Coldplay's Fix You, and I started singing along with it. Then I started crying, and had to stop singing.)
Thankfully, Richie and Jamie know when I am on the verge of a PG meltdown, and take care of me when I am past the point of functioning. Yesterday Jamie drove across town to pick up B so I didn't have to, and today my parents brought her home. Juliane brought me my dinner in bed, Jamie brought me drinks, and Rico chatted with me while he put away the laundry before I could. Him and Belly sat in bed with me before it was time to lay her down, and we chatted and played for quite a while. She told me all about the SCHLIMY WORMS she saw, and how they are like tentacles. I gd love that kid.
Yesterday they came to work to bring my prego bathing suit to Erin, and Bellamy whipped out her ariel phone and had a serious conversation with Patrick about how we have blueberries delivered to our house from Los Angeles. I just want to hug her creative little brain and I tell it to never lose her sense of whimsy.
I am getting seriously excited about the Reveal Party. We are going to meet up with Susanne soon to talk specifics, and I can't WAIT. Also, tomorrow we are making headbands with Tom and Amanda, and hopefully watching them perform Saturday downtown. I haven't seen one of their fire shows yet and I am pumped.
At some point this weekend, I also need to hunt down the Baby Bump Boutique. They did a groupon this week, and you know I am all over it. Even my stretchy shirts are a wee bit too short to cover the belly, so I need to speed it up and get some maternity clothes that will last the rest of this pregnancy.
So much for my weekend of doing nothing.
It is so oppressive. I really have to work to stay awake at my desk, I fidget, I walk around the office, and still my eyes will barely stay open. Then I get irritated, then I get nauseous, and then my head starts to hurt.
I am still not entirely caught up on sleep from all the company and parties, but I am getting there. Today I was so frazzled and feeling so shitty, I came home, got naked, crawled into bed, and haven't done much since.
(I am so very very pregnant, that when I picked Juliane up from performing arts camp, they were doing improv dancing to Coldplay's Fix You, and I started singing along with it. Then I started crying, and had to stop singing.)
Thankfully, Richie and Jamie know when I am on the verge of a PG meltdown, and take care of me when I am past the point of functioning. Yesterday Jamie drove across town to pick up B so I didn't have to, and today my parents brought her home. Juliane brought me my dinner in bed, Jamie brought me drinks, and Rico chatted with me while he put away the laundry before I could. Him and Belly sat in bed with me before it was time to lay her down, and we chatted and played for quite a while. She told me all about the SCHLIMY WORMS she saw, and how they are like tentacles. I gd love that kid.
Yesterday they came to work to bring my prego bathing suit to Erin, and Bellamy whipped out her ariel phone and had a serious conversation with Patrick about how we have blueberries delivered to our house from Los Angeles. I just want to hug her creative little brain and I tell it to never lose her sense of whimsy.
I am getting seriously excited about the Reveal Party. We are going to meet up with Susanne soon to talk specifics, and I can't WAIT. Also, tomorrow we are making headbands with Tom and Amanda, and hopefully watching them perform Saturday downtown. I haven't seen one of their fire shows yet and I am pumped.
At some point this weekend, I also need to hunt down the Baby Bump Boutique. They did a groupon this week, and you know I am all over it. Even my stretchy shirts are a wee bit too short to cover the belly, so I need to speed it up and get some maternity clothes that will last the rest of this pregnancy.
So much for my weekend of doing nothing.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Pregnancy Post 27
Tried a new restaurant tonight for date night, and it was pretty delicious. Hash House A Go Go is officially ok by me. (Plus, I got some sweet loving BEFORE we went to dinner, so does it count as a date with a Happy Ending, or would it be more like a Happy Beginning?)
My GD cat is testing me. Last night, I was trying to relax and watch True Blood while doing my clay mask and painting my toes...and the peppy little spit fuck decided to escape, coincidentally at the same time I got a very snarly text from a friend who was angry with me. It was not the way I wanted my weekend to end. But we got the cat in and I think things will be ok with the angry friend, so we'll see. Tonight she is hanging out by the doors, scamming for another way to escape. She actually rumbled with the ginormous fight club kitties that live in the bushes, and lived to tell the tale, so I am fairly impressed. But then she hid under the deck and erased all feelings of pride as we tried to mastermind a way to get her back inside.
I have a feeling the beanpod might be a boy. But I don't know if that's an actual premonition, or just me coming to terms with the fact that this is our last baby, and I know we'd both like a son even if the pregnancy will be evil clown army terrifying for me the rest of the time. I know there's a 50/50 shot that it's possible, and I don't want my first reaction to be tears and panic. Especially since we are planning a whole gender reveal party so we can find out with our family surrounding us. I need to keep my shit together, and remember that constant vigilance got Bellamy here safe. I am surrounded by the same great group of Dr's and nurses as before, and I can do this.
I can.
My GD cat is testing me. Last night, I was trying to relax and watch True Blood while doing my clay mask and painting my toes...and the peppy little spit fuck decided to escape, coincidentally at the same time I got a very snarly text from a friend who was angry with me. It was not the way I wanted my weekend to end. But we got the cat in and I think things will be ok with the angry friend, so we'll see. Tonight she is hanging out by the doors, scamming for another way to escape. She actually rumbled with the ginormous fight club kitties that live in the bushes, and lived to tell the tale, so I am fairly impressed. But then she hid under the deck and erased all feelings of pride as we tried to mastermind a way to get her back inside.
I have a feeling the beanpod might be a boy. But I don't know if that's an actual premonition, or just me coming to terms with the fact that this is our last baby, and I know we'd both like a son even if the pregnancy will be evil clown army terrifying for me the rest of the time. I know there's a 50/50 shot that it's possible, and I don't want my first reaction to be tears and panic. Especially since we are planning a whole gender reveal party so we can find out with our family surrounding us. I need to keep my shit together, and remember that constant vigilance got Bellamy here safe. I am surrounded by the same great group of Dr's and nurses as before, and I can do this.
I can.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Pregnancy Post 26
Ridikkulus!
Didn't know it was possible to accomplish so much and at the same time have fun in one day.
Started off by giving Bella's room, the play room, and the toybox an organizational exorcism which felt MARVELOUS. The play room was vaccumed and everything. I put all the toys in their rightful place, and purged a bit as well, since B's birthday cup runneth over, thanks to her family and friends that love her.
By the time I emerged from my terminator cleaning spree, my sister was in full party prep mode for Jules' 11th birthday party tonight (Harry Potter themed, of course.) Her and Susanne made a bevy of amazing dishes, and yes, I'll say it, it was downright MAGICAL.
Then I had to piece together a costume for our movie date tomorrow (the capstone of this shindig - taking all the kids to see the final installment, along with a ton of Jamie's friends.) But first I had to choose a character, and I think I picked a good one. I am going full throttle with this, because why not? I am hoping I can at least con Richie into letting me draw the scar on his head so he can be the man himself. We'll see how that goes.
He is out a party right now, and he was rocking some serious mangina before he left. It was cute. He's been working out like crazy, along with running, and he's pretty much solid as a rock. He's got his V back, his arms are huge, and his legs are solid muscle. ZEXY.
I've realized recently that I really enjoy the flow of our relationship. We are both involved with the kids, but we both have lives as well. He's allowed to have man time, and I can do what I like with my girlfriends as well. It's pretty balanced, and for some reason I've just noticed. He's taken trips to see his BF in Cali, I've taken trips to LA to do glee/spike awards/etc, and we still take trips together. It's nice. We go out with our friends, and with each other. It doesn't feel like a tug of war, which I guess I always expected after listening to other people's marital (horror) stories. On the same note, we both contribute to this marriage, and we can acknowledge it.
We decided to do our date mid week just to mix it up a bit, to allow the excitement to build and all that jazz. Plus he worked this weekend, and there is the HP extravaganza that we didn't want to compromise. I just want to wait it out and give it a sense of OCCASION. Plus I need to figure out what to wear, because bump or no bump, I want a date with a happy ending.
With July half over, it's hard not to think of all the excitement going down in August...finding out the sex...school starting....then going full throttle with baby planning and arrival preparations. It's going to be bananas. It's tempting to be overwhelmed, but eh, I don't want to waste the energy. I used to make lists all the time, for anything. Things I needed to do that week, life goals, shopping lists. Now I really just do shopping lists, because who can remember all the crap you need when you do a big shop? As for the rest of it...I finally realized I could make lists until the sun set and rose again, and it didn't really matter if I wasn't in the mood to DO it. I have a plan in my brain (take last math class, have baby, try to do edu class with insanse observation hours while on maternity leave, then return to work and map out my UNR courses. ) and I think that's good for right now. Because even if it doesn't work out exactly like that, at least I'll still be doing something.
I'll save the stress for when the wee bit wakes up for feedings twice a night and we both have to work early in the morning. :)
Didn't know it was possible to accomplish so much and at the same time have fun in one day.
Started off by giving Bella's room, the play room, and the toybox an organizational exorcism which felt MARVELOUS. The play room was vaccumed and everything. I put all the toys in their rightful place, and purged a bit as well, since B's birthday cup runneth over, thanks to her family and friends that love her.
By the time I emerged from my terminator cleaning spree, my sister was in full party prep mode for Jules' 11th birthday party tonight (Harry Potter themed, of course.) Her and Susanne made a bevy of amazing dishes, and yes, I'll say it, it was downright MAGICAL.
Then I had to piece together a costume for our movie date tomorrow (the capstone of this shindig - taking all the kids to see the final installment, along with a ton of Jamie's friends.) But first I had to choose a character, and I think I picked a good one. I am going full throttle with this, because why not? I am hoping I can at least con Richie into letting me draw the scar on his head so he can be the man himself. We'll see how that goes.
He is out a party right now, and he was rocking some serious mangina before he left. It was cute. He's been working out like crazy, along with running, and he's pretty much solid as a rock. He's got his V back, his arms are huge, and his legs are solid muscle. ZEXY.
I've realized recently that I really enjoy the flow of our relationship. We are both involved with the kids, but we both have lives as well. He's allowed to have man time, and I can do what I like with my girlfriends as well. It's pretty balanced, and for some reason I've just noticed. He's taken trips to see his BF in Cali, I've taken trips to LA to do glee/spike awards/etc, and we still take trips together. It's nice. We go out with our friends, and with each other. It doesn't feel like a tug of war, which I guess I always expected after listening to other people's marital (horror) stories. On the same note, we both contribute to this marriage, and we can acknowledge it.
We decided to do our date mid week just to mix it up a bit, to allow the excitement to build and all that jazz. Plus he worked this weekend, and there is the HP extravaganza that we didn't want to compromise. I just want to wait it out and give it a sense of OCCASION. Plus I need to figure out what to wear, because bump or no bump, I want a date with a happy ending.
With July half over, it's hard not to think of all the excitement going down in August...finding out the sex...school starting....then going full throttle with baby planning and arrival preparations. It's going to be bananas. It's tempting to be overwhelmed, but eh, I don't want to waste the energy. I used to make lists all the time, for anything. Things I needed to do that week, life goals, shopping lists. Now I really just do shopping lists, because who can remember all the crap you need when you do a big shop? As for the rest of it...I finally realized I could make lists until the sun set and rose again, and it didn't really matter if I wasn't in the mood to DO it. I have a plan in my brain (take last math class, have baby, try to do edu class with insanse observation hours while on maternity leave, then return to work and map out my UNR courses. ) and I think that's good for right now. Because even if it doesn't work out exactly like that, at least I'll still be doing something.
I'll save the stress for when the wee bit wakes up for feedings twice a night and we both have to work early in the morning. :)
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Pregnancy Post 25
Good day. Dinner with the grandparents one last time before they head home to California. Love them.
Ravaged my husband last night animal style, and instead of falling asleep I was wide awake and read an entire blog. Think I might even start round two tonight (DING!) but hopefully sleep afterwards. Tomorrow is going to be a long, boring Friday.
Ridiculously cute, ravished husband called me at work to formally invite me on a date this weekend. So adorable.
One more birthday party this weekend, then I am returning to my regularly scheduled summer activities....which includes alot of bathing suits, sunshine, and reading. ahhhh.....
Ravaged my husband last night animal style, and instead of falling asleep I was wide awake and read an entire blog. Think I might even start round two tonight (DING!) but hopefully sleep afterwards. Tomorrow is going to be a long, boring Friday.
Ridiculously cute, ravished husband called me at work to formally invite me on a date this weekend. So adorable.
One more birthday party this weekend, then I am returning to my regularly scheduled summer activities....which includes alot of bathing suits, sunshine, and reading. ahhhh.....
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Pregnancy Post 24
Bellamy is 3! It's been a very busy week, filled with family, friends, food, and even the police (what!?!) but all is well and I am happily exhausted.
Oddly enough, I read some prego email I got last week about the top twenty pregnancy fears most women have,which ranged from having a c section, to lagging sex lives, to gaining too much weight. Something about the list bothered me...and it struck me today while I was at work. There was no mention of stillbirth. A c section is scarier than giving birth to a seven pound corpse??
PLEASE. Not that I want to talk about it all the time and scare the shit out of preggos around the world, but I definitely feel as though it's something that is never ever mentioned ever, until it happens to you. Maybe if more attention was placed on kick counts, 30,000 fetuses wouldn't die in utero in the US every year and women wouldn't have to be asked questions like "do you want an autopsy?" and "are you going to bury or cremate?" as they are in the process of giving birth to the child in question.
Maybe if people were more open about it, awareness would increase, and more research could be done to try and find out how to stop it from happening. Just saying.
Other than that, I am eagerly awaiting my next ultrasound (August 15th!) to find out this little squirts gender. The suspense is torture! Mama wants to know what's goings on in there.
Oddly enough, I read some prego email I got last week about the top twenty pregnancy fears most women have,which ranged from having a c section, to lagging sex lives, to gaining too much weight. Something about the list bothered me...and it struck me today while I was at work. There was no mention of stillbirth. A c section is scarier than giving birth to a seven pound corpse??
PLEASE. Not that I want to talk about it all the time and scare the shit out of preggos around the world, but I definitely feel as though it's something that is never ever mentioned ever, until it happens to you. Maybe if more attention was placed on kick counts, 30,000 fetuses wouldn't die in utero in the US every year and women wouldn't have to be asked questions like "do you want an autopsy?" and "are you going to bury or cremate?" as they are in the process of giving birth to the child in question.
Maybe if people were more open about it, awareness would increase, and more research could be done to try and find out how to stop it from happening. Just saying.
Other than that, I am eagerly awaiting my next ultrasound (August 15th!) to find out this little squirts gender. The suspense is torture! Mama wants to know what's goings on in there.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Pregnancy Post 23
Company is a comin'. I am so excited. Nat and her girls are coming on Friday, along with her friend and her daughter. Then my mom will be here. It's going to be a glorious birthday weekend. Jamie's party is Saturday, and Punky B's party is Sunday. Richie's grandparents are also coming to town for B's birthday. (though not staying with us, because 7 guests is enough. That makes 13 of us - very cheaper by the dozen.)
Had a ridiculously relaxing long weekend, with lots of time outside in the backyard. At one point, Bellamy stood on the step of the deck, waved her arms dramatically, and said "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeelcome to my dance class!" She's got so much flair it's ridiculous. Tonight she was running around in just her tshirt, no panties or anything. Spread out on lambie's blanket, just chilling. She was very lovey with my belly tonight, saying hello to her future sibling, telling them how she can't wait to meet them, and just conversed with them.
Even as our family is getting ready to expand, I've been thinking alot of how lucky we are to have each other. We're a motley crue...sorta big...sorta crazy...and I love it. All the parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, cousins, and adoptive fam, like Nat. I love that B gets to spend so much time with Jules and little Danny, and I know the new babe will have more of the same. Plus Kimmie is due soon, so we'll get to go to California and meet the newest addition! Amazing.
So much of my life is up in the air depending on if Rich finds a new job, what the daycare situation will be like once newbie gets here in January, how I can work my magic with school and work and two kids... but it's hard to be stressed about it right now. Every time I make plans, something like an unexpected pregnancy happens and turns my world upside down anyhow...so not knowing is ok, for right now. It'll work out somehow.
Had a ridiculously relaxing long weekend, with lots of time outside in the backyard. At one point, Bellamy stood on the step of the deck, waved her arms dramatically, and said "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeelcome to my dance class!" She's got so much flair it's ridiculous. Tonight she was running around in just her tshirt, no panties or anything. Spread out on lambie's blanket, just chilling. She was very lovey with my belly tonight, saying hello to her future sibling, telling them how she can't wait to meet them, and just conversed with them.
Even as our family is getting ready to expand, I've been thinking alot of how lucky we are to have each other. We're a motley crue...sorta big...sorta crazy...and I love it. All the parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, cousins, and adoptive fam, like Nat. I love that B gets to spend so much time with Jules and little Danny, and I know the new babe will have more of the same. Plus Kimmie is due soon, so we'll get to go to California and meet the newest addition! Amazing.
So much of my life is up in the air depending on if Rich finds a new job, what the daycare situation will be like once newbie gets here in January, how I can work my magic with school and work and two kids... but it's hard to be stressed about it right now. Every time I make plans, something like an unexpected pregnancy happens and turns my world upside down anyhow...so not knowing is ok, for right now. It'll work out somehow.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Pregnancy Post 22
And so I start my 12th week. Can I get an AAAAA-MEN!!
This week I have two appts...super fun. Thankfully the permanent twice weekly appts won't start until my last trimester, so I have a wee bit of freedom.
The widget is doing just fine in there...Monday I was 11 weeks and 6 days, and that's exactly how I measure at my ultrasound. Spot on. I also went to the gym for the first time yesterday, and did just fine, which felt fantastic. I was so relaxed on the way home I almost fell asleep. Nice. Tonight I think I'll try and zumba or something at home. See how that goes.
August 15th is the big day -- the day we find out if it's a boy or a girl. I can't wait. I think we may have even picked both full names for a boy and a girl, but I am not spreading the word until we find out the sex. But Richie hasn't told me lately that my hormones are making me pick crazy names, which facilitated negotiations.
Fell asleep last night listening to Richie tell me about his morning at the park with Bellamy. She played with a group of kids, and was taller than both the 3 year old girl and 5 year old boy. They talked about shoes, and played hide and seek. I love that kid. He sent me a picture of her on the slides and her legs look ten miles long. She's so grown up! It's ridiculous.Some days I can't imagine loving another baby as much as Bellamy, but I know I will. Does that sound awful? Maybe. But it's a thought that's occurred to me alot lately.
For now, I am going to work.
This week I have two appts...super fun. Thankfully the permanent twice weekly appts won't start until my last trimester, so I have a wee bit of freedom.
The widget is doing just fine in there...Monday I was 11 weeks and 6 days, and that's exactly how I measure at my ultrasound. Spot on. I also went to the gym for the first time yesterday, and did just fine, which felt fantastic. I was so relaxed on the way home I almost fell asleep. Nice. Tonight I think I'll try and zumba or something at home. See how that goes.
August 15th is the big day -- the day we find out if it's a boy or a girl. I can't wait. I think we may have even picked both full names for a boy and a girl, but I am not spreading the word until we find out the sex. But Richie hasn't told me lately that my hormones are making me pick crazy names, which facilitated negotiations.
Fell asleep last night listening to Richie tell me about his morning at the park with Bellamy. She played with a group of kids, and was taller than both the 3 year old girl and 5 year old boy. They talked about shoes, and played hide and seek. I love that kid. He sent me a picture of her on the slides and her legs look ten miles long. She's so grown up! It's ridiculous.Some days I can't imagine loving another baby as much as Bellamy, but I know I will. Does that sound awful? Maybe. But it's a thought that's occurred to me alot lately.
For now, I am going to work.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Pregnancy Post 21
BAD DREAMS.
holy hell.
I wish they would just go away.
In other news, I think I have turned the corner on the vomiting, and then ended up dehydrated. Thought I was getting a kidney stone or some such nonsense, and it turns out 100 + ounces of water a day just isn't enough right now, and I need replenish with powerade type drinks. Bleh. But my back pain is getting better, which is good.
I also dropped my edu class for next semester this week, which leaves me with my last math course. I was a little sad to prolong my time @ TMCC, but one more semester there won't kill me. I am honestly trying to mastermind a way to do that class in the spring while I am on maternity leave, thus giving me more time to stay @ my job. I think I could make it happen.
For right now, I am finally calming down from my stupid dream, feeling sleepy, and want to take a nap before I have to get ready for work.
holy hell.
I wish they would just go away.
In other news, I think I have turned the corner on the vomiting, and then ended up dehydrated. Thought I was getting a kidney stone or some such nonsense, and it turns out 100 + ounces of water a day just isn't enough right now, and I need replenish with powerade type drinks. Bleh. But my back pain is getting better, which is good.
I also dropped my edu class for next semester this week, which leaves me with my last math course. I was a little sad to prolong my time @ TMCC, but one more semester there won't kill me. I am honestly trying to mastermind a way to do that class in the spring while I am on maternity leave, thus giving me more time to stay @ my job. I think I could make it happen.
For right now, I am finally calming down from my stupid dream, feeling sleepy, and want to take a nap before I have to get ready for work.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Pregnancy Post 20
After feeling as though I was going to throw up the baby and every other part of my insides on Monday...things have been strangely calm.
My twenty minute cat naps after dinner are starting to fuck with me. As now I am the only one awake even though I am exhausted, and tomorrow will be my busiest day at work. Oh well. I came up with a game plan for punky b's 3rd birthday extravaganza, started a little project for the playroom I have been putting off, and have a few other things in mind now. PRODUCTIVITY. Sweet.
I keep saying I am returning to the gym, and then I vomit some more, but I think this weekend might really be the ticket. I might sleep for 3 hours after, but I am determined to start werkin' on my fitness again. I haven't been since the week I figured out I was all knocked up, and I really want to keep moving. Plus if our Halloween plans stick, I need to be able to wear some hotpants, prego belly and all, so my legs need to be banging. Here's hoping.
My twenty minute cat naps after dinner are starting to fuck with me. As now I am the only one awake even though I am exhausted, and tomorrow will be my busiest day at work. Oh well. I came up with a game plan for punky b's 3rd birthday extravaganza, started a little project for the playroom I have been putting off, and have a few other things in mind now. PRODUCTIVITY. Sweet.
I keep saying I am returning to the gym, and then I vomit some more, but I think this weekend might really be the ticket. I might sleep for 3 hours after, but I am determined to start werkin' on my fitness again. I haven't been since the week I figured out I was all knocked up, and I really want to keep moving. Plus if our Halloween plans stick, I need to be able to wear some hotpants, prego belly and all, so my legs need to be banging. Here's hoping.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Pregnancy Post 19
After several days of reining in the urge to vomit...i couldn't contain it any more and ended up spending the greater part of my morning in the bathroom at work. Also left early for the first time to come home and curl up on the couch in a near comatose state.
The other fun part of the morning sickness this go round is that I uncontrollably cry (not hysterically) after each time I get sick, so I was constantly blotting at my eyes in the hopes that no one thought I was nuts.
I have since eaten, napped, and feel a little better.(actually napped first, after taking another zofran and passing out before I could bring it back up.) I am fairly sure I am starting my 10th week soon, so the final countdown begins - the end of the gaggy era. CAN I GET A WITNESS!?!
Now I just need to get to bed at a decent hour so I don't go back to work tomorrow all fucked up. We'll see how that goes. Punky B was very sweet earlier when her grandpa brought her home. Cuddling, talking to the belly, saying hi to the baby and telling him she loved him. "I am going to be your big sister! HELLO! I love you, Baby!" She's such a little sweet potato.
The other fun part of the morning sickness this go round is that I uncontrollably cry (not hysterically) after each time I get sick, so I was constantly blotting at my eyes in the hopes that no one thought I was nuts.
I have since eaten, napped, and feel a little better.(actually napped first, after taking another zofran and passing out before I could bring it back up.) I am fairly sure I am starting my 10th week soon, so the final countdown begins - the end of the gaggy era. CAN I GET A WITNESS!?!
Now I just need to get to bed at a decent hour so I don't go back to work tomorrow all fucked up. We'll see how that goes. Punky B was very sweet earlier when her grandpa brought her home. Cuddling, talking to the belly, saying hi to the baby and telling him she loved him. "I am going to be your big sister! HELLO! I love you, Baby!" She's such a little sweet potato.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Pregnancy Post 18
so, the crazy prego dreams have set in. the first few were spectacular. the ones last night? not so much.
in the first one i miscarried. in the second one i went into preterm labor, and the drs weren't concerned and said there was nothing they could do...basically 'oh, well, too bad' and refused to take care of me. the baby crowned, and i pulled her out myself, but wouldn't let anyone cut the cord so she could keep getting oxygen until a nurse or doctor came back. (but before i pulled her out, i sat there for hours waiting for a nurse or someone to return...i was in denial that they had given up on us.) then she had meconium coming out of her ears, she had teeth, and lots of hair. no one helped me clean her up, so i did it myself, and then wandered the halls with her begging for someone to check her out and make sure she was ok.
i know they are just dreams. but i am doing my damndest to think positively and not worry, and chiz like that doesn't help. after i got out of the shower this morning i sat on my bed and cried for a few minutes.
....they are just dreams. i know. i do. i just hope i don't have anymore.
at least my nausea is getting better. it doesn't really kick in now until lunch time, and then gets worse after i get home. but it's better than 24/7 nastiness.
in the first one i miscarried. in the second one i went into preterm labor, and the drs weren't concerned and said there was nothing they could do...basically 'oh, well, too bad' and refused to take care of me. the baby crowned, and i pulled her out myself, but wouldn't let anyone cut the cord so she could keep getting oxygen until a nurse or doctor came back. (but before i pulled her out, i sat there for hours waiting for a nurse or someone to return...i was in denial that they had given up on us.) then she had meconium coming out of her ears, she had teeth, and lots of hair. no one helped me clean her up, so i did it myself, and then wandered the halls with her begging for someone to check her out and make sure she was ok.
i know they are just dreams. but i am doing my damndest to think positively and not worry, and chiz like that doesn't help. after i got out of the shower this morning i sat on my bed and cried for a few minutes.
....they are just dreams. i know. i do. i just hope i don't have anymore.
at least my nausea is getting better. it doesn't really kick in now until lunch time, and then gets worse after i get home. but it's better than 24/7 nastiness.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Pregnancy Post 17
I felt human for about 45 collective minutes today, which is about 44.5 more than yesterday.
When I woke up this morning, I wasn't hit by the insta-nausea, and instantly got a little panicky thinking that something was amiss. But by the time I got to work I was as green as ever, which was oddly comforting.
The little seabiscuit is still in there, growing away, methinks.
We've already hit a standstill in the name department, mainly because we had the perfect girl name, and then found out my OB and her partner had a girl last year, and guess what they named her? but, i'm cool like fonzie for now. because thinking about the nub being a him still terrifies me, and thinking about it being a her stresses me out because of the name situation. so that train of thought can sit on the back burner for another 8 weeks or so until we see what's goings on in the gender department.
When I woke up this morning, I wasn't hit by the insta-nausea, and instantly got a little panicky thinking that something was amiss. But by the time I got to work I was as green as ever, which was oddly comforting.
The little seabiscuit is still in there, growing away, methinks.
We've already hit a standstill in the name department, mainly because we had the perfect girl name, and then found out my OB and her partner had a girl last year, and guess what they named her? but, i'm cool like fonzie for now. because thinking about the nub being a him still terrifies me, and thinking about it being a her stresses me out because of the name situation. so that train of thought can sit on the back burner for another 8 weeks or so until we see what's goings on in the gender department.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Pregnancy Post 16
first official appointment yesterday.
the nubbin is 1.8 centimeters, and the heartbeat was strong!
today i am 8 wks and 5 days, which i am hoping translates into only 3 or so more weeks of the rough stuff, and then i can get back to feeling human.
thankfully my family is quite adept at dealing with this rollercoaster. even punky b. when i had my meltdown the other day after vomiting for the millionth time, she got in my lap, rubbed my back and my face, told me it was all going to be ok and sang to me.
the nubbin is 1.8 centimeters, and the heartbeat was strong!
today i am 8 wks and 5 days, which i am hoping translates into only 3 or so more weeks of the rough stuff, and then i can get back to feeling human.
thankfully my family is quite adept at dealing with this rollercoaster. even punky b. when i had my meltdown the other day after vomiting for the millionth time, she got in my lap, rubbed my back and my face, told me it was all going to be ok and sang to me.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Pregnancy Post 15
I both vomited and cried more than any one person should in a day today. I'm spent.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Pregnancy Post 14
womb fruit: 14,556,334,987
me: zip.
sweet and salty balls i am already done with the nausea and vomiting part of this thrill ride. i'd rather be close to popping and getting my jabba the hutt on. at least then i could eat. of course...ask me again come Christmas time and i am sure my answer will be different.
me: zip.
sweet and salty balls i am already done with the nausea and vomiting part of this thrill ride. i'd rather be close to popping and getting my jabba the hutt on. at least then i could eat. of course...ask me again come Christmas time and i am sure my answer will be different.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Pregnancy Post 13
Yeah. It's real. Totally unexpected and derails all my plans, but it's happening.
It took me one day of freaking out to be totally in love with the speck, I can't lie.
I've only known I was pregnant for about two weeks and I've already had issues and had to go to the dr before I was supposed to. So...for the next nine months this shiz is now the place I am going to let ALLLLLLLLLLL my crazy out.
My incredibly shrewd daughter first asked for a brother named Elizabeth, then a sister named Sassy Girl...and with no prompting from her dad, said "Daddy wants a boy, I want a girl." If it is a wee little man developing in there, this pregnancy will have an extra dose of terror for me. But, it'll be worth it. And then I can be done with my reproductive system forever! Which is an added bonus for me. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!
It took me one day of freaking out to be totally in love with the speck, I can't lie.
I've only known I was pregnant for about two weeks and I've already had issues and had to go to the dr before I was supposed to. So...for the next nine months this shiz is now the place I am going to let ALLLLLLLLLLL my crazy out.
My incredibly shrewd daughter first asked for a brother named Elizabeth, then a sister named Sassy Girl...and with no prompting from her dad, said "Daddy wants a boy, I want a girl." If it is a wee little man developing in there, this pregnancy will have an extra dose of terror for me. But, it'll be worth it. And then I can be done with my reproductive system forever! Which is an added bonus for me. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Pointless Post 12
Summer has arrived! ROCK FLAAAAAAG EAAAAAAAAAAAAGLLLLLLE!!!!!!! I feel as though I barely made it, but I passed my classes and am one semester closer to shaping the fragile young minds of America. Sweet.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Pointless Post 11
SEVEN MORE DAYS. Yessssssssssss. Can't wait for so many things this summer. Exciting!!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Pointless Post 10
Northern NV weather fucking blows. Can't wait to graduate and head for warmer climes. Makes lame ass homework assignments less painful...to know that I am working towards a goal. Which is really about a hundred goals rolled into one.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
pointless post 9
big change coming at the end of the summer....gives me the 'it's all happening' giddiness i love so much.
PROGRESS. fuck yeah.
PROGRESS. fuck yeah.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Pointless Post 8
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste....
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste....
Friday, April 1, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
pointless post 6
so much sadness today, happening all around...reminded me of how far i've come in almost 5 years.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
pointless post 3
what exhausts me? trying to deal with an 'anything you can do i can do better' type of person. people need to chill the fuck out.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
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